


for the hope of it all

by Love_Me_Dead



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Getting Back Together, Malcolm Bright Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:13:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 33,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26898733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_Me_Dead/pseuds/Love_Me_Dead
Summary: when Malcolm and Dani break up, neither one of them handles it very well. Moments of their relationship told through flashbacks as they try to find their way back home.
Relationships: Malcolm Bright/Dani Powell
Comments: 48
Kudos: 31
Collections: Prodigal Son Big Bang 2020 - Wednesday Posts





	1. heartbeat on the high line

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, I'd like to thank the mods for creating this challenge and truly making this year just a little bit better! next, I'd like to thank [Jess](https://creative_cha0s.tumblr.com) and [Jen](https://theresnosuchthingasmonsters.tumblr.com) for their astounding works of art created all for this fic! Please find Jen's work [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27187910) and leave her a lovely comment or some kudos!   
> And a MASSIVE thanks to my beta [PussNHikingboots](https://pussnhikingboots.tumblr.com) for her help and support in creating this fic. Truly, it wouldn't exist without her brilliant guidance, least of all be as beautiful as it is! Last but certainly not least, thank you to [Ali](https://luna-colorata.tumblr.com) for her continued support on this fic and throughout absolutely everything.
> 
> I've been inspired by a thousand things while writing this fic (especially because it took course over three whole months), notably Taylor Swift's 2020 album _folklore_. The title of the fic is derived from the song "august" and the chapter titles are all lines from pertinent songs off the album, named in the chapter notes. But, my lovely paper wife also created a [beautiful playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5oPlVNXSYtXnImx4Rq7L42) for this fic and I found that I couldn't write to anything other than this mix of songs. Give it a listen as you read!
> 
> Thank you again to everyone in the challenge for being some of the best folks out there. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title for this chapter is from "cardigan" by Taylor Swift
> 
> at the beginning of this chapter is the beautiful calligraphy that Jess made for my work!

It was so typical for Malcolm to have a crush on Dani. The only girl on the team, the only person he’d been friends with in years, and of course he had to develop a crush on her. It was embarrassing, too, because he had no hope in hell of ever going out with her.

She was a good friend. There was no underlying message to her actions. It didn’t mean that she was in love with him just because she calmed him down from a night terror. She was only his friend, even if she had ridden in the back of an ambulance after he’d been bitten by a snake.

And after all, he was a Whitly.

Dani had likely grown up hearing the stories about his family. Dr. Whitly, the best surgeon in the country, had killed twenty-three people, and there was absolutely no way she didn’t conflate him with his father, even a little.

She was everything he wanted. Beautiful and gracious and warm. She was a little bit broken, too, and Malcolm couldn’t help but daydream about her, as if them being together was a possibility. For that reason, he tried to avoid spending time with her outside of work.

But he couldn’t say no when JT invited Malcolm and Dani out to play pool with him and Tally - a night away from their new baby. “Bright and Powell against the Tarmels,” JT said, grinning.

“I’m in,” Dani said, straightening up and facing JT. “What makes you think you’re so good at pool?”

“The fact that he’s seen me play before and I’m garbage,” Malcolm mumbled. “With me on your team, you are going to lose, Dani.”

Dani grinned at him over her shoulder. “You get to pay for the drinks, then.”

“Deal,” Malcolm said.

He found himself again at Amsterdam Billiards with JT and Tally, drinking beer that was definitely not his first choice. And he had to remind himself to drink slowly because even fully sober he could hardly keep his eyes off Dani.

She wore her trademark skinny jeans and a loose-fitting crop top that bared her abs and showed off her collarbones. Her curls were bouncier than ever, and her lips were sheened with gloss, and her cheeks shimmered in the low lights. And Malcolm was gone, completely lost in her.

As predicted, Malcolm sucked at pool - again. He blamed it on Dani looking too nice for her own good, though he couldn’t tell anyone else about that. 

He missed another good shot, and he groaned, passing off the cue to Dani and sipping his beer. “It’s _math_ ,” he said. “I’m terrible at math.”

Dani grinned and faux-pouted. “But you told me you were a nerd,” she said, pinching his cheek gently. Her hand could have very well burnt a hole in his skin. She walked back to the pool table and he put his fingers to the spot she’d touched. He watched her bend over the table and take another shot - excellent.

“Uh, I’m going to the bathroom,” Malcolm mumbled. He couldn’t handle this. He needed to splash some water on his face, something other than watch her walk around while trying to control himself.

He ducked into the men’s bathroom and leaned against the counter, exhaling. It was pure agony. Especially beside JT and Tally, who had their arms around each other and were so in sync that they may as well have been the same person. 

The door opened behind him and Malcolm stood up straight, turned on the faucet and washed his hands, glancing in the mirror. JT slid into his view and stood there, his hands in his pockets.

“Want to talk about what’s going on?” He asked.

“Nothing’s going on,” Malcolm said.

JT raised his eyebrows. “Mhm… All right. So there’s an explanation for why you can’t keep your eyes off Dani? And why you turned beet red when she touched you?”

Malcolm sighed and grabbed a few paper towels out of the dispenser. 

“You may be the profiler, bro, but _anyone_ can see that.”

“Fine,” he said. “You got me.”

JT grinned. “You’d be cute together. And,” he said, drawing out the word, “I know she’s single.”

Malcolm rolled his eyes. “As if I’ve got a chance with her,” he mumbled.

“You might,” JT said. “I’m gonna help you out. But don’t chicken out, okay?”

He narrowed his eyes. “What are you going to do?” 

JT wiggled his eyebrows and left the bathroom. Malcolm took another few deep breaths before he followed him back out to the table.

It took a few minutes for Malcolm to figure out what JT meant. They played pool as normally as before and JT had a quiet word with Tally about their “strategy.” Tally took a call a few minutes later and came back to the table.

“The sitter just called,” she said. “The baby is crying - won’t stop.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” Dani said. “Go be with her, she needs you.”

“Yeah, but you two have a good night, all right? Don’t let us ruin everything by leaving early.”

Tally and JT said their goodbyes and then it was just the two of them. Malcolm felt like he was seven years old all over again, unable to formulate a sentence around the kid he had a crush on. 

“Looks like it’s one-on-one,” Dani said, setting her drink down and grinning. 

“And I’m going to let you win,” Malcolm said. “Because I’m a gentleman.”

She rolled her eyes. “Cut the sexist crap,” she said. “You’re going to _lose_ because I’m a better player than you.”

Malcolm leaned over the table, aimed, and completely missed. The game continued like that for a few more rounds before Dani sighed as she won.

“It’s no fun losing that easily,” She brushed a curl out of her face, laying her hand on her hip.

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly consider myself a _fun_ person,” Malcolm said. 

“I’m sure you’re much more fun at a game you’re actually good at.”

“I’m a good ax thrower,” he offered.

“You have been drinking,” Dani said. “I’m not letting you anywhere near an ax.”

Malcolm conceded - that was a good idea. “Uh, darts? I have darts.”

Dani smiled. “Of course you’ve got darts,” she said, collecting her jacket. “Let’s go play darts.”

He was at once horrified that she would suggest such a thing as going home with him and elated at the fact that she would go home with him. She’d been in his apartment many times, even gotten ready for a wedding in his bathroom, but the thought of her there, looking like that, was too tempting.

But he took her up on it, of course, walking with her the few blocks back home to his apartment and unlocking the door for her. It was a nice evening, early summer and cloudless, and the streetlights cast an orange hue over his living room.

“You really keep darts in here?” Dani asked, fingers gracing over the glass of his weapon’s display.

“No,” Malcolm said, snorting. “They’re upstairs.”

He stopped at the kitchen island to empty his pockets and shimmy out of his suit jacket, while she strode past him to the stairs.

“I never noticed that,” she said. “What’s up there?”

“Uh, guest bedroom, my office, another bathroom, and the garden.”

Dani looked at him. “You have a garden?”

“That’s where the darts are,” Malcolm said.

In her high heels, she started up the stairs and Malcolm followed after her, his plan of asking if she’d like anything to drink gone. 

“How many flights of stairs does this place have?” Dani asked, ascending the second set of stairs without peeking into the guest room or his office. 

Malcolm laughed. “It’s helpful when the weather sucks and I can’t get out for a run.”

Dani pushed open the door to the garden and stepped out into it. Malcolm, a step behind her, turned on the lights. They were somewhere between fairy lights and Edison bulbs, but they lit up the garden in the most perfect way possible. It had plants with tendrils hanging down off their baskets, ivy twisting around the wall they came out of, and a small planter box in the corner where Malcolm was trying to grow tomatoes, carrots, and peas.

On the wall to the right, which technically belonged to the neighbouring building, Malcolm hung the dart board while Dani perused the garden. He grabbed the darts - three blue and three red - and watched Dani disappear into the darkness of one of the corners.

“Don’t fall off the roof,” he said. 

She appeared again, her skin golden in the light, and she grabbed the three red darts from his hand. “Ready to lose?”

Malcolm laughed. “In your dreams.”

Dani stood up straighter, an inch taller than Malcolm in high heels. He stood on his tip-toes to match her.

“What do I get when I win?” she asked, her face close to his.

“Some tomatoes from my garden,” Malcolm said, gesturing over to his planter box. Even though his tomatoes weren’t doing very well, and he wasn’t certain he would get any tomatoes at all.

Dani raised her eyebrows. “Thrilling,” she intoned.

“What do _I_ get when I win?” Malcolm countered.

She snorted. “That won’t happen,” she said. She stepped back, away from him, the electric sizzle between them gone, and squared herself with the board. She tossed her first dart and it hit directly under the number one.

Malcolm laughed. “Oh, yeah, you’re going to kick my ass,” he teased.

“Careful, Bright, I’m the one holding darts right now,” Dani said, grinning.

The game went quickly,the two of them laughing and chatting intermittently between their turns. At some point, they both lost track of the score, and sat down at the table Malcolm rarely used but had placed outside for the purpose of reading and getting some well-needed vitamin D.

“It’s late,” Dani said, checking her watch.

Malcolm’s stomach flopped, the inevitable _goodbye_ hanging too close, and he was having such a good time. “You can stay over, if you want,” he said. “I won’t make you sleep on the counter this time.”

Dani grinned. “Well, I was hoping for the shower this time,” she said. “You had such a good sleep in it last time.”

But neither of them would commit to answer - Malcolm didn’t want to beg her, and he assumed that she didn’t want to intrude.

“I’m serious,” he said quietly, his voice a little lower than before.

Dani looked at him, wrapping her arms over her chest. “What were you hoping to get if you won at darts?”

“I _did_ win at darts,” Malcolm said. _Please don’t make me say it_. She was his best friend, his closest friend, and to kiss her might ruin everything between them.

“Answer the question,” Dani said. She bit down on her lower lip, the gloss worn off after all this time. And she was serious, too, not matching Malcolm’s sarcastic tone.

He swallowed. “Dinner?”

“Like, a date?” 

God, he couldn’t fucking escape. Her posture was closed off, protecting herself, but he forced himself to make eye contact with her anyway.

“I mean, it’s fine if you don’t want to. We can just stay friends, I get it.”

A smile blossomed on her face. “I would love that,” she said quietly.

Malcolm short-circuited and blinked a few times. “Being friends? Or - or a date?”

“A date,” she said.

He let his breath out and relief washed over him. “Great,” he said. “Uh, it’s getting cold. Let’s go inside.”

She stood and slipped her hand into his as they walked back into his apartment, down the stairs to his kitchen again. Malcolm went to walk away from her, unfasten their hands, but she squeezed his hand and didn’t let him go. He turned around to look at her and she stepped closer, their bodies nearly pressed together and electrifying the space between them.

“This was a good date,” Dani whispered.

“This was a date?” Malcolm asked.

“Of course,” she said. “All good dates end with a kiss.”

She leaned in closer and pressed their lips together, closing the space between them. Their hands linked at their sides, and Dani’s other hand touching his shoulder gently. Malcolm had to remind himself not to laugh in glee at the way his night had turned out.

They pulled away, still close enough that Malcolm could feel Dani’s breath on his skin, and she laughed, tucking her head into his shoulder.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long,” Malcolm admitted, wrapping his arms around her. He felt dizzy at the thought of it, holding her and kissing her.

“Yeah?” She asked, bringing her head up. “How long?”

“Since the day I met you,” he murmured.

She snorted, wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled closer, letting her breath out. “I was terrified that you were going to die in front of me,” she whispered.

“I wouldn’t have,” Malcolm said. 

“Good.” She crowded into him and kissed him again.

He was still surprised, caught off guard by her openness and warmth, and he knew that if he let himself, he would drown in the scent of coconut that followed her around. 

“Do you want to stay the night?” Malcolm asked, twining his hands together at her back. “I can order you a cab if you don’t want to.”

Dani smiled, resting one of her hands on his collarbone. “I’ll stay,” she said, “but only if I get a bed to sleep on.”

He laughed. “Guest room is all yours.”

“Perfect,” she said, pecking a quick kiss on his lips. 

She raided his closet to find a t-shirt before she disappeared into the bathroom. She emerged with her makeup removed, her clothes in a bundle, and her legs bare save for her panties and the hem of Malcolm’s t-shirt.

Malcolm showed her to the guest room, a nondescript room that he had barely decorated. She dropped her clothes at the foot of the bed and glanced at him, smirking.

“You’ll be disappointed if you’re trying to sleep with me,” Dani said.

He laughed. “No, I just wanted to say goodnight. Make sure you were comfortable.”

“Goodnight,” she said. “Need any help getting shackled into bed?”

It would be too much to have her so close, in less clothes than last time. “I think I’ll be okay tonight,” he said.

Dani kissed him quickly. “Sweet dreams.” 

It felt strange to lock the restraints into place and turn off the lights with the knowledge that Dani was just upstairs, sleeping in his “normal is overrated” t-shirt that Ainsley gave him three Christmases ago. He kept pressing his lips together, remembering the way Dani’s lips felt against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	2. never give you peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter comes from "peace" by Taylor Swift

Malcolm woke in a panic, sitting bolt upright and clutching at his chest. A dull pain radiated out from his left shoulder, but that wasn’t the cause of his anxiety - he was alone. He expected Dani to be in the room, maybe curled up in the chair next to his bed, but she wasn’t, and he was alone.

He was in the hospital. He’d been shot. 

The moments came back to him slowly, filtering through the dream he’d had. Laying on the cold tile, and Dani yelling at him to stay with her; Malcolm begging Dani to stay. 

He took a deep breath and sat back against the pillows, glancing at the heart rate monitor beside his bed. He didn’t want to disturb any nurses with a spiking heart rate. His hands shook as he fussed with the blankets - scratchy and sterile-smelling.

Malcolm glanced around the room until he found Dani on the couch by the window, lying beneath her leather jacket. She was here. She was still here. But underneath his relief was the panic, and maybe it was just from the sedative, but he couldn’t help worrying about when she’d be gone.

_ “Bright, you don’t even have a vest!” _

The second time he was in the hospital in a matter of months. And Dani was beside him, albeit across the room, but he couldn’t stop thinking that her spot there, her spot beside him had an expiration date.

And all he could do was hope that he was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	3. tossing pennies in the pool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter is from "the 1" by Taylor Swift

Malcolm and Dani sat down in Gil’s office, glancing at each other. Dani settled her hands in her lap while Malcolm fidgeted, counted to twenty on his fingers before Gil sighed, sat up and set down his coffee mug. 

“Please don’t tell me it’s bad news,” Gil said.

They shared another glance and Dani cleared her throat. “Bright and I are… in a relationship,” she said carefully.

Gil broke out into a grin. “That’s it? I was worried you were going to tell me you,” he gestured to Malcolm, “had killed a man and that you,” he pointed to Dani, “had helped him cover it up.”

Malcolm laughed. “Yeah, if I’d killed someone, my first call would be to a  _ cop _ .”

“I’d help you hide the body,” Dani said, touching his arm.

Gil grinned. “Okay, I’m glad the two of you are happy,” he said. “But as your supervisor, I have to remind you to keep things professional. And please, if you break up, don’t bring that to work.”

Malcolm nodded, even though, at the beginning, things always felt like they would last forever. And they did now, too.

JT, for the most part, winked at Malcolm when he saw him standing with Dani, closer than before. He knew, of course, from the first night, that they were together now.

They went to Dani’s apartment that night after work. It was a shoebox with hardly enough space for her things, but she had filled it to the brim with plants, trinkets, and photographs. It was the complete opposite of Malcolm’s apartment, with off-pink walls, big windows, and outdated appliances. 

They were hip-to-hip in her kitchen, cooking together. Dani chopped vegetables - bell peppers and mushrooms and tomatoes from Malcolm’s garden - while he sauteed onions. She said that she knew better than to let him anywhere close to her knives and Malcolm laughed, but he remembered what she was referring to, and his chest ached.

“Do you think about her?” Dani asked quietly. She tucked her hair behind her ear with her free hand, staring down at the cutting board.

Malcolm shook the pan and stirred the onions around. The fumes made his eyes water. “Sometimes,” he said. “It doesn’t hurt like it used to.”

She bumped his hip with hers and looked at him now, offering a sad smile.

“Do you think about your exes?”

Dani shrugged. “Sometimes,” she echoed. “Like, I did after I saw Xavier last year, but I don’t think of him very often. Or any of the others.”

Malcolm picked up a little bowl of minced garlic and scooped it into the pan with his finger. “Was he a good partner?”

“He was lovely,” Dani said. “It was all, you know, sexy and illicit that we were together.”

He smiled as she came close to him and added the mushrooms and peppers to the pan. He rested his hand on her hip, pulled her closer. “What about that Khalil guy?”

“Are we just running through all my exes now?” Dani asked, amused.

“I mean, it’s a worthwhile conversation to have,” Malcolm said. “So I know how they’ve fucked up and I don’t repeat the same fuck ups.”

“Well, I doubt that you’ll magically turn into a drug lord,” she said, patting his chest.

Malcolm stirred in the new ingredients. “How many people have you been with?” He asked.

“Like, in a relationship?” Dani asked. “Or sexually?”

“They’re different numbers?” Malcolm asked.

She grinned. “They aren’t for you?” She moved the cutting board to the sink and wiped off the countertop before she hopped onto it, her feet bumping against the cupboards.

Malcolm snorted. “Okay, I admit, I had a hookup phase in college… And early on in the FBI.” He cringed. “I haven’t done that math in a while.”

Dani laughed, kicking her feet a little. “I’ve been in six relationships - you’re lucky number seven.”

“I’ll tell you about the origins of seven as a lucky number sometime,” he said, grinning at her. “But tell me about them. Your relationships. I’m curious.”

“Of course you know about boring stuff like the history of lucky numbers,” she said. “As for my relationships, I mean, you know about Xavier and Khalil. Before that was Ashley.”

Malcolm snorted, stirring all the food together in a pan. “A guy named Ashley?”

“Ashley was a girl, actually,” Dani said.

“Oh,” he said, looking at her. “You’re bi?”

She nodded. “I thought you knew that already.”

“Evidently not. But go on - Ashley?”

“Yeah, we dated in college. She took a chance to study in France, and I never saw her after that. We emailed for a while, but it dropped off because we both got busy. And before that was Marcus. He cheated on me.”

“Asshole,” Malcolm mumbled.

Dani nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I said, too. And before Marcus was Cassie but that was in high school, and she moved to Poughkeepsie. The first guy I dated was James. It was fine, but we were like, fifteen, so it was just puppy love.”

“I dated a James, too,” Malcolm said. He mentally listed her exes, his own name shining at the bottom of the list, the end of the list.

“Maybe it was the same one,” Dani said. “He came out as gay in senior year.”

Malcolm laughed. “It might be,” he said.

“Tell me about all your relationships, then,” she said, smiling. She hopped off the counter and grabbed the box of spaghetti from her cupboard, setting it next to the stove.

“I don’t know if I’ve told you,” Malcolm said. “But I was a bit of a loser in high school.”

Dani fake-gasped. “I had no idea.”

“So my first relationship was when I was seventeen with a girl from the nearest school to my boarding school. Her name was Courtney. We only dated for a few months. And then I had my slut phase in college and there was only really one relationship through that - with James.”

“Slut phase,” Dani laughed, adding the tomatoes to the pan. “Let that simmer for a while.”

Malcolm nodded, stirred everything together and wrapped his arms around Dani’s waist.

“After James?”

“Nick,” he said. “And then Alicia when I was in DC, but that ended a few months before I was fired. And you know the rest.”

“Have you been in love before?” Dani asked, brushing a lock of hair out of his face.

“Once or twice,” Malcolm shrugged. 

She leaned up and kissed him gently. It was too early for either of them to say they loved each other but they’d spent so long as friends that Malcolm felt it, deep in his belly, a feeling of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	4. balancing on breaking branches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter is from "exile" by Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver!

Things changed. After Malcolm was released from the hospital, Dani was distant. She slept upstairs in the guest room rather than curled into his chest, saying something about how she didn’t want him to tear his stitches or pull a muscle. And when she did sleep with him, she didn’t sleep close to him anymore, but on the other side of the bed, a world away. Mountains and valleys of sheets between them seemed insurmountable to Malcolm and he spent most of his nights staring at the back of her head, the slope of her shoulders.

She didn’t hold his hand under the conference room table anymore. She hardly made eye contact. Her hands didn’t grace over his wound, and maybe it was selfish, but he hated that he had to dress it and apply antibiotic cream to it himself, in the mirror. 

When he came home and she poured him a drink, he knew what was coming. He knew when she sat down beside him on the couch, a cushion between. Malcolm held the whisky-filled tumbler in his hands, trying to quell the tremor.

“Are you having any thoughts of suicide?” she asked carefully.

It did nothing to help the anxiety coiled in his stomach, and he resisted the relief that threatened to wash over him.

“No,” Malcolm said. Though, the question was rather nebulous. Would he rather be dead than go through with this conversation? Absolutely. Did it flash in his mind every time something bad happened? Yes. But he didn’t have an active plan, he had no current desire to hurt himself in any way.

Dani pressed her lips together. “Why do you throw yourself into danger?” 

Malcolm shrugged. “We’re _all_ in danger,” he mumbled, avoiding her gaze. “I thought that was part of being in law enforcement.”

“You were shot,” Dani whispered. 

Malcolm shifted his left shoulder and sighed. A terrified kid with no concept of trigger hygiene. 

“You ran into that situation with no regard for your safety. And we’d talked about this before.”

“How - how is this any different than JT or Gil being in danger?”

“I’m not sleeping with them. I’m not in love with them.”

Malcolm bit down hard on his lip. “The case…”

“And you don’t think that your life is more important than a case?” Dani whispered, horrified.

Malcolm bit down on his lip. If he lost his life in the pursuit of a criminal, then maybe it would be cosmic justice. Balancing the scales.

Dani took a deep breath, looked away. Malcolm watched her, the way her shoulders tensed and her chest shook as she exhaled, the way her fingers trembled ever so slightly, the rings catching the light and glinting into his eyes. He knew what came next.

She looked at him, held his gaze. “I think we should break up,” she said, her voice shaking.

He knew that it was coming, but it still felt like he’d been struck by lightning. The anxiety crept up higher, overtook his whole body. It spread out to his fingers, and he felt as though his teeth vibrated.

“I don’t want to,” Dani said, gasping in a breath. Malcolm hated that she was crying. “But I can’t watch you die in front of me because you don’t think you’re worth more than a case.”

Malcolm nodded. He didn’t want to cry in front of her, but it was inevitable. He was losing her, the one who helped him sleep at night and kept him anchored in reality.

“Maybe - maybe if you get some therapy or something, we can get back together.”

“Don’t.”

It came out harsher than Malcolm imagined, and he stood up, paced away from her, towards the windows. He ran his hand through his hair, and the world buzzed around him, panic swelling.

“Don’t say that unless you mean it,” he whispered, turning to face her again.

Dani sniffled and nodded. “I do mean it,” she whispered. “I love you, Malcolm, but I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I had to watch you die in front of me.”

Malcolm let his breath out. His anxiety, disguised as anger and rage, offered a thousand snarky retorts - _I don’t care what you can handle_ sat at the top, on the tip of his tongue. He bit it back, tried to quell the anger, ignore the shaking of his hands.

“What if - what if JT or Gil or me - what if we aren’t there in time? And I lost you?”

He swallowed and stared at the organized spines of his books. “Yeah.”

This was forgetting, of course, that he had been in the FBI, and he knew hand-to-hand combat, but he was just unwilling to use lethal force. And of course, he wasn’t armed with the NYPD. He was more qualified than her to carry and use a firearm, to engage with suspects, but she didn’t trust him to not get himself killed.

“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself,” Dani said, sniffling. 

“I don’t give a shit,” Malcolm spat, “what you can live with.”

She glared at him, hurt and horrified.

Malcolm took a deep breath and paced to the other corner of the living room. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s okay,” Dani said, standing. “I get it.”

Malcolm rubbed his hands over his face and turned to look at her. She wiped her eyes quickly, gathered her coat, and shut the door quietly behind her. It would have been easier, Malcolm thought, if she had slammed it, called him an asshole.

He went over to the coffee table, picked up the glass of whisky, and stared down into its amber depths, as if he were reading tea leaves and it would tell him anything about what had just happened. Instead of taking a sip, he threw the glass towards the kitchen as hard as he could, so hard that a muscle in his shoulder twinged, and he hated that the glass smashing, soaking the floor in whisky, didn’t immediately make him feel better.

Sunshine chirped indignantly from her perch. Malcolm’s chest heaved, and he stared at the mess he’d made, the shards of glass and the pool of whisky. He pressed his palms into his forehead, sinking slowly to the floor.

Lucky number seven.

His chest ached, and he sucked in a whimpering breath, gripping tightly at his hair. His shoulder ached. He’d fucked up, and he’d lost Dani, and now it was likely that she would never want to speak to him again.

Part of it was surreal and part of it was too real, crushing his chest. He sat on the hardwood floor, his knees against his chest and his hands in his hair, sobbing because it was the only thing that helped ease the tension.

After he calmed down enough that he hiccupped, he pawed his phone out of his pocket. He called his sister because she was the only person he could even consider talking with about this. He listened to the phone ring, pressed against his ear, and he prayed that she’d pick up.

“Hey,” Ainsley said, voice crackling through the phone.

“She broke up with me,” Malcolm whispered. He wasn’t sure how he would deal with the days to come - without touching her at work, without her walking around his apartment naked, fresh from a shower.

Ainsley was silent for a beat. Processing. “I’ll be there soon.”

“Thank you.”

Malcolm dropped his phone. He didn’t care if it shattered. 

Everything in his apartment reminded him of her. She had filled the fridge with food, harvested more of the veggies from his garden than Malcolm ever had, and she’d gotten him a water carbonator, to save the oceans or something.

She’d changed his bathroom, too, populated the shelves with various creams for her face and different mousses for her hair. He loved watching her getting ready in the morning, fixing her hair and making it shiny and bouncy. She had a drawer of things, too, shirts and panties and pairs of pants. And the top of his desk became a receptacle for all of her jewelry.

Ainsley came in, and Malcolm tried to imagine the scene from her eyes. Her brother, sitting in the middle of his floor, across from a smashed tumbler of whisky, his phone sitting untouched next to him. He was still crying, too.

How pathetic.

She sat in front of him and pulled his hands out from where they hid under his arms folded under his body, squeezed them between hers. “You’re okay,” she whispered.

Malcolm shook his head, taking a sharp breath. “I can’t live without her,” he whispered. “I was _so mean_.”

Ainsley nodded, rubbing circles into the back of his hand with her thumbs. “It happens.”

“I didn’t mean it.”

“I know.”

“But she doesn’t,” he said. “She - she doesn’t know, and I’m an asshole.”

“Come on,” Ainsley said. “Stand up. Come to my place.”

Malcolm swallowed and stood as directed. 

She wrapped an arm around his waist and guided him towards the door like he was so drunk he could barely stand up. He had lost all his energy, and he leaned on her heavily. “I’ll make you a cup of tea,” she said. “You can stay with me.”

And all-in-all, that sounded like the best plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	5. the thrill expired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "cardigan" by Taylor Swift

“You have to tell Mom,” Ainsley said.

Malcolm stared down at the phone in his hands and his chest heaved. She had made him tea last night, and he was certain she’d laced it with a sedative considering how well he slept. And then she’d given him coffee this morning, and he’d thrown it up for no good reason. Maybe the after-effects of the sedatives. 

He knew that his phone call to Mother would go poorly. She would assume that whatever news he had was happy news - they were engaged or Dani was pregnant - and it would hurt even more to tell her they’d broken up. 

The world still felt surreal. He stared at the phone and slid it onto Ainsley’s coffee table. His eyes ached, and his head pounded, and he was all out of tears to cry but his chest hurt like he might cry again.

“What about her things?” He asked quietly.

“I can deal with that, if you want.”

Malcolm bit down on his lip. Her socks in his laundry basket and her clothes in the drawer and everything in that apartment reminded him of her. He kind of wanted to burn it all down, move out. 

“Do you want me to deal with it?” she asked gently.

Malcolm nodded. He couldn’t imagine sorting through her things without deciding to keep ninety percent of it. 

He returned home a few days later, after Ainsley had been by and put all Dani’s things into a box for Malcolm to give back to her. He stepped in carefully, smelling the air as though he might catch a whiff of Dani’s perfume. He inspected carefully but it looked the exact same way it did before Dani moved into his life.

Malcolm peeked around the guest room, searching for proof that she’d lived there other than the box downstairs. Proof that their entire relationship wasn’t a fever dream. Instead, sitting in the window of his guest room, was a peace lily that Dani had brought to make the space feel more like home. For a split second, he thought about keeping it next to his bed as a memento.

But it hurt too much. He picked up the plant with every intention to take it outside and leave it on the side of the road. Instead, he dropped it down his stairs, watching the plant tumble out of the pot and the pot splinter when it hit the bottom, spreading soil everywhere.

He grabbed a broom and swept up the spare soil and the broken pieces of the painted pot. He picked up the plant carefully and took it upstairs, finding it a new home in his planter boxes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	6. digging up the grave another time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title comes from "the 1" by Taylor Swift

Dani stepped into her empty apartment and flicked on the lights. She dropped her bag and hung up her coat, dropped her keys into the bowl on the shelf next to the door. 

It was a familiar ache in her stomach, almost friendly with how much time she’d spent nurturing it. It threatened to choke her appetite, but she ignored it and set about boiling a pot of water for some pasta. She still had vegetables from him in her fridge: a zucchini and a bowl of peas and a few carrots. It felt like a waste to throw it out.

She washed them, chopped up the zucchini, and tossed the ends into the compost bin under her sink. In the trash can beside it, a hospital bracelet:  _ Malcolm Bright _ .

She slammed the cupboard shut and stumbled back against the counter. 

_ Dani carried a bouquet of flowers in her hands, feeling unreasonably nervous. He was her coworker, nothing more, and he had been kidnapped and tortured, so she was expressing her condolences and hoping for a speedy recovery. As if such a thing were possible. _

_ A nurse exited the room - of course he’d gotten a private room. With his night terrors, he would frighten an entire ward if he were allowed. And his insurance was probably top-tier, given the size of his mother’s bank account.  _

_ “Is this Malcolm Bright’s room?” Dani asked, even though the number matched the one the nurse downstairs had given her. _

_ “Yes,” the nurse said. “He’s just woken up.” _

_ Dani nodded. She tucked some hair behind her ear and knocked on the door. _

_ “Come in,” Malcolm called. His voice was rough, worn. _

_ She pushed the door open, holding the flowers in front of her chest. “Hey,” she said. “How are you feeling?” _

_ Malcolm had dark circles under his eyes and he was paler than usual. His hair was flat, falling into his eyes, but thankfully the blood was wiped off his face, bandages marking the places it once was. He had a thick cast around his left hand, encompassing his thumb, and he winced as he sat up, hissing. _

_ “I’ve seen better days,” he said. _

_ Dani smiled. “You sure look like it. Uh, these are a gift from the precinct.” _

_ She extended the flowers towards him. Someone had the foresight to put them in a vase already. _

_ “That’s nice,” Malcolm said, smiling. “Tell everyone thanks.” _

_ Dani put the flowers on the table by the window. “Is it okay if I sit and chat for a while?” _

_ Malcolm nodded, gestured to the seat next to his bed. “By all means.” _

_ She fixed her coat and sat down, locking her fingers together between her knees. She couldn’t stop looking at him, taking him in. She’d seen him directly after the Watkins incident, bloody, wearing ripped and tattered clothes, sobbing as Gil embraced him. _

_ And he was still here.  _

_ A stab wound in the abdomen that had luckily missed all his vital organs, a concussion, and a smashed thumb so bad they were initially discussing amputation. Instead, they put a few wires into the bones to fuse them together as they healed.  _

_ Thinking about it too much grossed her out. _

_ “Got any good cases?” Malcolm asked. Even though he looked like death warmed over, he was still ready to get back to work. Watkins hadn’t even captured him two days ago. _

_ “No,” Dani said. _

_ Malcolm narrowed his eyes. “Even if you did, you wouldn’t tell me.” _

_ And he was still there.  _

_ Part of her worried she might never see him alive again. And her stomach turned as the sequence of events ran through her mind, of Gil’s voice on the other end of the phone asking what she meant, if she was sure. That he really wasn’t in the cellar of that cabin. _

_ Malcolm shifted and yawned, covering his mouth with his bandaged hand. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m on a lot of painkillers…” _

_ “That’s good,” she said. “Sleep all you need.” _

_ He nodded and his eyes fluttered shut. Within seconds he was asleep. _

_ Dani smiled a little. “Glad you’re here,” she whispered, standing up. _

She ran her hands through her hair. She needed to get over him. She’d broken up with him, anyway. 

But she loved him desperately. And he wasn’t here anymore.

The water wasn’t close to boiling and she hadn’t done it yet, hadn’t cleaned up every trace of him from her apartment. She padded over to her bathroom and flicked on the light. A beard trimmer sat on her countertop. His body wash sat in her shower. That fancy fucking face cream he insisted on using.

Dani picked up the beard trimmer first and pondered it for a moment. She pulled her knife out of her pocket and sliced through the wire. Maybe later she would take it down to the parking garage and smash it into pieces with a hammer.

Next, she picked up the cream. She opened one of the empty drawers of her bathroom counter and threw the glass jar as hard as she could into the space. She pushed it shut - a job for another day, and looked over at the body wash. She turned the water on in the bathtub. And she opened the bottle and squeezed as hard as she could, watched the product coil in the bathtub and froth, washing away down the drain.

The smell hit her next - uniquely Malcolm. It was a more expensive body wash than any of her other boyfriends had ever used and it reminded her of him. She dropped the bottle, not quite empty, and covered her face instead.

It could have been chlorine gas for all she cared. It reminded her of the first time they had sex, careful and awkward and perfect, and the time she’d snuggled up next to him at the hospital.

How many fucking times had she gone to the hospital with him? For him? 

Dani took in a deep breath, slid onto the tile floor, and she hated herself for dissolving into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	7. dwindling mercurial high

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "illicit affairs" by Taylor Swift!!
> 
> this chapter is explicit!

Malcolm came home late. Dani was in the bath, trying to unwind after a hard day at work and then a session at the gym. He’d had dinner with his mother and his sister, something approaching normal. Things were weird since the trial and they all craved a bit of normalcy, especially Ainsley.

Dani heard her front door open and close and she sunk deeper into the water. She’d dropped in a bath bomb, something purple that smelled like lavender and peonies. 

“Hello?” Malcolm called, still from the front door.

“In here,” Dani said. She moved her hand around the water, creating little waves that echoed off the walls of her tiny bathroom.

Malcolm appeared in the doorway, slipping off his suit jacket and loosening his tie. Dani smiled a little, beckoned him closer.

“How was dinner?” She asked, sitting up a little. Her breasts came over the water and she caught Malcolm’s gaze flicker down towards them.

“It was good,” he said, perching on the closed toilet. “You should come next time.”

Dani smiled and tipped her head back. “Did you tell your mother about us?”

Malcolm nodded. Dani motioned for him to come closer and he knelt on the bathmat next to the tub, rolling up his sleeves and pushing them up his forearms. 

“How’d she take it?” 

“She’s  _ thrilled _ ,” Malcolm said. “Ainsley, too. Both of them said they  _ knew _ I had feelings for you, and they were just waiting for me to realize.”

Dani smiled and relaxed against the wall of the tub. “You were the last person to know about your crush on me.”

“So I’ve heard,” Malcolm said. He dipped his hand in the water and Dani took his hand, pulled him closer. “If you stain my shirt, Powell…”

She laughed, pressed their lips together. He tasted of tea, black orange pekoe, and a hard candy - lemon. 

“Get out of the tub,” he whispered.

“Uh-huh?” she asked. “Maybe I’ll pull you in.”

Malcolm laughed. “Come on. I missed you.”

“Is that your way of saying you’d like to have sex?” 

“Too convoluted?”

“Typical,” Dani said, smiling. “Get out of my way so I can get out.”

Malcolm sat back, stood up and admired her with a gentle smile on his lips. She felt exposed under his gaze, as though he could see into her, but she was okay with that. He had seen the ugly parts of her, the parts that were scared or hungry or desperately resisting the urge to relapse and he  _ still _ chose her.

She stood up out of the tub and pulled the plug, uncaring about rinsing out the purple hue and the inevitable ring it would leave behind. Malcolm stood in front of her, his hands in his pockets and the stupidest smirk on his face.

“You have to let me dry off first,” Dani said, grabbing her towel. 

“It’s really hard to keep my hands off of you,” Malcolm whispered.

She smiled, her cheeks heating up as she patted her skin dry. Normally, she would then grab her tub of mango body butter and smooth it over herself, especially after a bath bomb, but she knew Malcolm wouldn’t wait that long. Instead, she hung her towel on the hook again.

“It’s not fair that I’m the only one naked,” she said, her fingers working at his buttons.

“Hmm, you’re much nicer to look at,” Malcolm said. He laid his hand on her waist, pressed closer to her and pressed his lips against her jaw.

Dani laughed, tipped her head back. She pushed Malcolm’s shirt off his chest and pressed her hands against the skin there, warm and supple.

“We should probably go to the bedroom,” Dani whispered. 

In response, Malcolm kissed against her shoulder, down to her chest, hoisted her up onto the counter.

“Malcolm,” she said, a touch harsher. 

He pulled away and nodded, leaving his hand firmly around her waist to the small of her back. “Your bath bomb had glitter,” he whispered. 

“Shimmer,” Dani corrected. 

“Either way, you look ethereal.”

She rolled her eyes. “Shut up.” She stepped out of the warm bathroom and into the cold hallway, leading him to her bedroom. She didn’t bother turning off the light as Malcolm pressed her against the wall and kissed her.

Dani tangled her hands in his hair, urging him closer, and Malcolm held onto her hips. He had her pinned against the wall, from their faces all the way down to their hips, and she could feel him through his pants, already semi-hard.

“Just gonna fuck me against the wall?” Dani asked when they came up for breath.

“If it works for you,” Malcolm said. 

She brought her hands down, worked at his belt. “The neighbours will hear,” she whispered.

“They’ll only be jealous,” he said.

Dani laughed quietly and shoved him back gently. His foot caught on his loose pants, and he tripped backwards against her bed - one of the few times she was very glad she’d gotten a bed frame without a footboard. He shimmied out of his pants, and she stepped over, pressing her palm against the bulge at the front of his boxer briefs.

Malcolm sighed and bit down on his lip, bucking up towards her hand. She climbed on top of him, their bodies separated only by the thin layer of his underwear. 

“You’re gorgeous up there,” Malcolm whispered, one hand tracing gently up her thigh while the other reached up and slid over her breast.

She laughed, leaned down and pressed their lips together, bracing herself with a hand on his chest. Gently, carefully, she found his nipple and pinched, and she was surprised that he bucked his hips up against her and moaned.

“Like that?” she asked, smirking and repeating it.

Malcolm grabbed her hips and flipped her over. “You’re a devil,” he whispered. He took her hands and pulled them over her head, pinning them against the mattress.

Dani laughed, pushed gently against his hand to test the limits, but she was very quickly quieted by Malcolm’s finger brushing over her clit. She shivered and melted against the mattress, spreading her legs wider for him. He released her hands and planted them at the top of her thighs, leaning down and pressing a feather-light kiss to her burning skin.

She clutched the sheets as he licked slowly, pressed a finger inside her, and she whimpered. His stubble burnt against the inside of her thighs, already sensitive with faded stretch marks, and the paper-thin skin on her labia, but it all melded together with his tongue and his lips and his finger. 

Before she reached the edge, she wriggled out of his grip. “Get inside me,” she whispered. “I want you.”

Malcolm smiled and slid his boxers off, tossed them haphazardly away. Dani had found, once or twice, a pair in her laundry hamper. She dug in her bedside drawer and handed him a condom; he tore it open and rolled it on while Dani laid back. He slid his hand under her back, hitched her hips up, and slowly pressed into her. 

He waited a moment, his hand digging gently into the flesh of her ass, with his lip between his teeth and his eyes shut. “Is that good?” He asked softly.

“Yeah,” she whispered, rocking her hips towards him.

He matched her pace with a gentle thrust, trying to contain a moan by gritting his teeth. She reached up and squeezed his right nipple between her middle and her index finger, eliciting a whine from him. 

“You’re a devil,” he whispered again, pushing deeper into her. 

Dani arched her back, desperate for more contact. And Malcolm delivered, fucking into her with abandon. He came first, with his brows knit together and a cry, and he took a minute to collect himself before he licked Dani to completion. As soon as she had come, whimpering and moaning his name, he nestled his head against her thigh. 

She reached down and brushed a hand through his hair, smiling a little. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you, too,” Malcolm mumbled into the skin of her thigh.

Dani shifted, catching her breath. “We could try without a condom sometime.”

He looked at her as he sat up, slid off the condom and tied it off. “You sure?”

She nodded, stood. “I have an IUD, so we should be fine.”

“Okay,” Malcolm said, yawning. “Can we talk more in the morning?”

She smiled. “Of course. I’ll be right back.”

She ducked into the bathroom and cleaned herself up, peed, and remembered to apply deodorant before she returned to the bedroom. Malcolm laid back against her sheets, the blankets pulled halfway over his body and his expression relaxed and still.

Dani stepped over and cuddled into him, let him wrap an arm around her waist, before she fell asleep against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	8. wasted like all my potential

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this title is from "this is me trying" by Taylor Swift!

It was logical that Dani leaned on JT for comfort after the break up. Malcolm knew that they were friends, that things between them were and always would be platonic, but he couldn’t help but feel deeply lonely when he saw them leaving work together or chatting and going immediately silent when he stepped in. 

JT still offered Malcolm some advice - they were still friends, after all. But it wasn’t quite the same. So Malcolm found it logical that he spent more time with Edrisa. 

Part of him thought about indulging her crush, but it would be purely out of revenge than anything else, and he didn’t want to ruin whatever infinitesimally small chance he still had with Dani. Additionally, it would hurt Edrisa, and he’d felt terrible enough that time that he’d suggested that her job didn't help people. 

She was wonderful company, though, giving him enough distraction from Dani to attempt to heal. Though his social energies were depleted from his angst, he managed to make time for Edrisa only because he felt better when he did. She was the only one who didn’t offer him greeting-card quality advice. 

Mother told him, “you just need to forget about her.”

But how could he forget the best thing that ever happened to him? 

Ainsley said, “go out and find someone and fuck them. You’ll feel better.”

The thought of touching anyone else felt like betrayal. Infidelity. 

Gil said, “give it time.”

But patience had never been his virtue. 

He wanted to go back to those warm mornings, wrapping his arms around her when she climbed into bed with him and breathing in her scent. He wanted the hot mornings, where they fucked before either of them was even really awake. He wanted those early-morning grocery shop trips.

_ They ghosted down the aisle of the grocery store, past the display of chips, and Malcolm picked up a bag to inspect. _

_ Dani turned, at the front of the cart. “We’re not getting chips,” she said. _

_ “Not even ‘flaming hot dill pickle’?” Malcolm asked, turning the bag over so she could see it.  _

_ She laughed. “Not even those,” she said. “They sound terrible.” _

_ He replaced the bag and continued forward, pushing the cart. He had rarely ever gotten a cart when he went grocery shopping - generally, he carried everything in his arms up to the self checkout, which had only once resulted in a smashed bottle of sparkling water. _

_ But Dani was on a mission. She was here to make sure Malcolm had a stocked pantry and a stocked fridge, and tonight they were going to cook together. Nothing horrendous or horrible, just a simple beef stew with fresh buns.  _

_ The store was mostly empty this early in the morning and they were certainly the slowest of all the customers. Everyone grabbed what they needed and headed for checkout while Malcolm and Dani took their time, inspecting every box of pasta before deciding on the brand name spaghetti. They were faster once they grabbed eggs and Malcolm picked up a pint of Dani’s favourite ice cream, nestling it behind the jars of pasta sauces to surprise her later. _

His fridge was empty once again. He was almost out of licorice, too, but he had a freezer full of leftovers. They all felt like Dani, too, each one cooked with love. 

Their beef stew took all day, but it was delicious; Dani served it over garlic mashed potatoes, and he knew at that moment he wanted to keep her.

That was the first time they’d said it, too.  _ I love you _ . Over that beef stew and fresh buns and tea. Saying it sometimes still tasted of garlic and a well-seasoned broth. 

Malcolm shut his fridge door and sat down at the kitchen island. He’d broken enough things already, and now he was tired. Two months had passed in the blink of an eye and though they saw each other every day at work, it hurt that she wasn’t here with him. 

As if on cue, his phone rang in his hands, and he answered it before he had a chance to look at the caller ID. It was a case, surely, something that Gil would need him for. 

“Good morning, Malcolm,” Mother said, her voice clear through the speaker.

“Hello, Mother,” he said, sighing silently. Part of him hoped that it would be Dani on the other end, asking him to come talk.

“Join me for breakfast, darling,” she said.

Malcolm had no reason to balk. Nothing believable, anyway. “Okay.”

Ainsley wasn’t even at breakfast as his buffer, which sucked. Generally, he got through meals with Mother just fine if he had Ainsley around to share disgusted looks with. 

Mother had Eggs Benedict, Malcolm’s least favourite kind of egg. Not that he particularly liked eggs in general, but runny yolks completely ruined what little appetite he had. She drank a “mimosa” which was more champagne than it was orange juice, and Malcolm had only orange juice.

“I’ve been thinking,” Mother said, folding her hands on the table once her plate was clean. “It is time for you to get over Dani.”

Malcolm rolled his eyes. The pleasantries were behind them, and she got to the point of the meal - to tell him that he spent too much of his time mourning the best relationship he’d ever been in. 

“I’m working through it at my own pace,” Malcolm said, choosing each word with precision.

“Yes, well, we all know how you tend to…  _ fixate _ on certain things,” Mother said.

Malcolm had no time to be offended before she spoke again.

“And I’ve set up a little date for you for tomorrow evening.”

His shoulders slumped down and he sighed. “Mother…”

“It’ll be good for you!” she said. “You’ve spent so much time upset about Dani. You just need to have some fun.”

He glared at her. “Please tell me you didn’t hire a sex worker…”

She laughed. “No, dear, she is the daughter of a friend of mine.”

“Because you have such a good track record with friends…”

“But, I’ll keep the idea of a sex worker in mind, perhaps if things don’t work out with Natalie.”

Malcolm sighed. “I don’t want to,” he said plainly. 

Mother straightened. “Unfortunately, you already have reservations,” she said. “And the restaurant has a steep cancellation fee.”

“As if you give a shit about your money…”

“It will be charged directly to Gil’s card,” she said. 

He ran a hand through his hair. Panic bubbled in his chest and he wanted, more than anything, to stand and race out of the room, leave all of this behind, but she levelled threats against Gil, who couldn’t afford a steep cancellation fee, even if he was dating Mother. 

“You will go,” Mother said. “And hopefully, you will have a good time and forget about Dani.”

She said her name with venom, as though it were something stuck between her teeth, and Malcolm resented her for it. 

Maybe he had put Dani up on a pedestal. Maybe he was looking at the past with rose-coloured glasses, but everything seemed good. He was familiar with happiness, not just the concept of it. He had slept through the night more than once, and he had eaten regular meals.

But was it fair, if he was the only one who had reaped all the benefits of their relationship? Was it kind, even? Had he paid enough attention to Dani, her needs and her wants and her goals and her hopes? Women are not rehabilitation centres for damaged men - had Malcolm acted as though she was?

The guilt that he had ruined her was perhaps the hardest part to live with. If he’d been able, he would have loved his crooked neighbour with all of his crooked heart, but he knew now that his crooked heart did not produce the right kind of love. He could only love selfishly.

With that knowledge in mind, he swallowed his pride and headed out for a date with Natalie Pruitt, mostly to prevent Gil from being charged a cancellation fee.

She was early, sitting at the table with a glass of water and her iPhone in her hands. She set it face-down when she noticed Malcolm, showing off the rose-gold case that matched her earrings. 

“Hey,” she said, holding out her perfectly manicured hand to shake. “I’m Natalie.”

“Pleasure,” Malcolm said, shaking her hand. “I’m Malcolm.”

He sat down and took a sip of water. She was, perhaps, the complete opposite from Dani. Her hair was blonde-ish and her skin was fair and she was dressed in delicate fabrics and cute florals. It made Malcolm think of what Dani wore on her days off - jeans and t-shirts - and he missed her desperately. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Natalie said, grinning.

Malcolm smiled tightly. “All good, I hope,” he said.

“Oh, of course.” 

“Tell me about yourself,” he said.

“I’m a marketing manager. My job is probably my life.”

She laughed daintily and Malcolm chuckled. “Mine as well.”

“Your mother was vague about what you do.”

Malcolm looked at her, normal from head to toe - a  _ marketing manager _ . Normal, plain, boring. “I work in law enforcement. Currently, I’m consulting with the NYPD.”

“Ooh, catching thieves and drug lords?” She asked, grinning and leaning onto the table.

Malcolm glanced at the tablecloth, his fingers fussing with his fork. He looked back up at her. “No, I’m more into homicide.”

Her smile flickered. “Oh,” she said. “Well, keeping New York safe.”

He clenched and unclenched his hand. It shook, just slightly, against the pristine white tablecloth.

Natalie ordered a glass of pinot grigio and Malcolm forgot, for a moment, that she wasn’t Dani. He ordered sparkling water and peered at the menu as though any of the items seemed enticing. 

“You like to keep your wits about you?” Natalie asked, glancing coquettishly at him.

He knew it was a joke, it was a playful way to tease information out of him because that’s what people did on first dates. 

“It interacts with my meds,” Malcolm said. Even though he could drink, it wasn’t an altogether lie.

“Oh, uh… good choice, then,” she said awkwardly.

He knew, from the tenseness in her shoulders and her new refusal to make eye contact, that he had gloriously fucked this up, and he was making her uncomfortable, but he couldn’t stop.

“Yeah, I don’t think my mother mentioned the amount of drugs I take just to feel somewhat approaching normal.” 

“I can’t say she did,” Natalie said, politely.

Malcolm pressed his lips together and mumbled a quiet thanks to the server when they dropped off the drinks. Natalie took a long sip of her wine. 

Guilt pooled in his stomach, and he wondered if he could make it up to her over the course of the date. 

“So, your sister works for ADN?” Natalie asked.

Malcolm nodded. “Yeah, she’s doing really well.” It was a miracle she’d been allowed to keep her job after she’d been on trial, but they’d acquitted her - nothing on her record. He clenched his fist to keep from thinking about it too hard.

“I watch her stuff all the time,” Natalie said. “She’s probably my favourite reporter.”

He smiled. “I’ll pass that along.”

“I absolutely  _ loved _ her when she did that bit with the Carousel Killer. Girl power, all the way.”

Malcolm bit down on his lip and glanced down at his water. Bubbles floated across the surface, danced along the edge of the glass. “Yeah, she did really well,” he said. He knew then that there was no hiding from it. She knew about Dr. Whitly - though, it would be difficult to hide when his mother, Jessica Whitly, had set them up.

At the very least, they were in tepid waters now, nothing contentious being spoken about, and Malcolm wasn’t on edge. This location was much fancier than the place he’d taken Dani, all dresses and suits. And Natalie was typical, plain.

Cookie-cutter. She was the kind of woman that Mother would appreciate him marrying, having children with. WASPy, pretty, well-established in her own life. 

But it would be such a boring life with someone like Natalie. PTA meetings and an HOA fee and soccer games on the weekend. Their first dance song at their wedding would be that stupid fucking John Legend song. 

“Where did you go to college?” Natalie asked once their entrées arrived.

Malcolm pushed his food around, disrupting the artful plating. “Harvard,” he said. 

“Oh, wow, that’s super cool. I’ve never met anyone who went to Harvard before.”

“Where did you go?”

“I took a gap year, and I visited South America,” she said, entering into the stories of her travels.

Malcolm nibbled at his dinner, nodded in appropriate places, though he kept thinking  _ I didn’t fucking ask _ . 

“And then after that, I went to Barnard.”

Malcolm nodded. “Interesting.” 

She smiled a little. “What did you study?”

“Psychology and criminology,” Malcolm said. “Or, mostly my father.”

It was meant to be a joke but it fell flat, and her smile faltered. Dani would have laughed. 

“And then you’ve been working for the NYPD ever since?” Natalie asked, trying to salvage the moment.

“No, I spent about ten years working with the FBI, but they fired me last year, so…”

She frowned. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Stupid beaurecratic stuff?” 

“More or less,” Malcolm said, shrugging. “I punched a sheriff in Tennessee, and that was the last straw.”

“You… punched a sheriff?” Natalie asked, her eyes widening. But it wasn’t in amusement - she was horrified.

He couldn’t blame her. He nodded. “Like I said, laundry list of mental illnesses,” he said with a dry chuckle.

“Wow.” She dabbed her lips with the napkin, the fancy cloth ones, and folded it on top of her mostly-eaten entrée. “I have to go.”

Malcolm nodded and bit down on his lips. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“Thanks, I guess,” she said, standing and picking up her purse. “Have a good evening.”

Malcolm sighed the moment she left. Waiting with a hundred pairs of eyes on him, all the other patrons who had perhaps heard or seen what just happened, was torture. The server offered to pack up the remaining food and Malcolm asked, perhaps too sharply, for the bill.

As an apology, he left a hefty tip, and he slunk out of the restaurant back home.

(He was tempted, a thousand times, to stop and go to Dani’s apartment, knock on her door until she let him in so they could just talk. They spoke to each other, but only about cases. It was still too painful, too raw, to ask, genuinely, how she was doing.)

He shut the door behind him and Sunshine chirped, thrilled that he was home. At least  _ she _ was happy to see him.

He opened her cage and poured himself a drink. He’d acted like an ass - and for what? To prove to Mother that she shouldn’t set him up on dates? To convince himself that he was better off alone? 

Malcolm collapsed into the couch, and Sunshine perched on his hand. He ran his finger over her head and took a long drink of whisky. He was pathetic, home alone with his parakeet when he could have acted like a gentleman and brought Natalie home. He could still have Dani, if he hadn’t been an ass then, too.

He felt like crying - it would alleviate the weight on his chest - but instead he wallowed in his misery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	9. go with grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "my tears ricochet" by Taylor Swift!

Dani stopped on her way home from work. She needed something for dinner - she couldn’t rely on take-out every single night of the week. It reminded her of shopping early in the morning with Malcolm, though the store was bustling with the after-work and after-school crowd. 

She kept reminding herself that the temporary heartbreak would be nothing compared to the pain of losing him forever. And, of course, maybe he would take her up on her offer of attending therapy. The chances seemed slim, though. He was on edge. Angry. Prone to snapping. She tried to be patient but it all wore on her. 

Dani picked up some fresh tortellini - chicken and garlic - and a salad. As she walked towards the checkouts, the cut flowers caught her eye.

Malcolm brought her flowers every chance he got. Any time he was unsupervised for more than ten minutes, he managed to find a way to bring her flowers. Dani loved it - they brightened up her space and reminded her of Malcolm every time she saw them. But she’d not had fresh flowers in two months now, and her vases sat by the kitchen sink waiting for a new bundle.

She picked up a bouquet with carnations and spray mums and took her purchases to the self check-out before she could change her mind and talk herself out of spending fifteen dollars on flowers. 

Her apartment was unsurprisingly empty when she returned home and she spent five minutes trimming the flowers and mixing the flower food into the water before she set them on the middle of her kitchen table. It looked like the beginning of a romantic date. She grabbed a scented candle from the closet and lit it - a date for just herself.

Dani prepared her dinner and sat down at the kitchen table rather than the couch, breathing in the scent of the fresh flowers and the vanilla candle as she ate. She thought of taking a bath after this, putting on a face mask and ignoring her phone for the rest of the night.

It buzzed on the table and she worried for a moment, the romantic spell broken as she stared at it in fear it was Malcolm. She took a deep breath and picked it up, bit down on her lip as she opened the text. It was from Paul - a simple  _ hey, how’s your evening going? _

She smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	10. seen this film before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "exile" by Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver!

Malcolm stared down at the chess board in front of him and glared at the pieces. He was currently losing - and badly - to Edrisa, who seemed not even to be thinking as she made each move. He wanted to blame his poor playing on his recent heartbreak, even though it was coming up on three months, and everyone was quickly tiring of his self-pity.

“You’ve got an amazing kitchen,” Edrisa said. “You should have some kind of party here.”

Malcolm snorted. “Major Crimes having a Columbus Day party?”

Edrisa laughed. “Okay, fair, that one’s dodgy,” she said. “But - maybe a Friendsgiving or something?”

“Friendsgiving?”

“Like Thanksgiving, but for friends instead of family. My parents are in Hawaii and my brother is in California, so we usually have Skype Thanksgiving.”

Malcolm smiled and made his move, taking out one of Edrisa’s rooks in the process.

She hardly blinked as she went on. “And I know Gil only really has us, and Dani doesn’t go home for Thanksgiving.”

He tightened his hand into a fist. Edrisa moved her knight dangerously close to Malcolm’s queen.

“Oh. Sorry…”

“No, it’s okay,” he said. “You’re way better at chess than I am.”

“Oh,” Edrisa said, looking at the board. “I meant… about bringing up Dani.”

Malcolm shook his head, released his hand and stretched out his fingers. “No, it’s fine,” he said. “We’re both being mature about it. I can talk about her - we work together.”

She nodded. “Regardless, you should have some kind of party. Especially because your place is so big.”

“It would be nice,” he admitted. 

“Checkmate,” Edrisa said.

Malcolm looked down at the board, cursing himself for not seeing Edrisa’s bishop approaching his king and instead focusing on her knight near his queen. He laughed. “How did you get so good at this?”

“My brother was really good, and I wanted to beat him just once, so I practiced all the time when I was a kid,” Edrisa said with a shrug. “And then I was in the chess club in college.”

Malcolm laughed. “My mom pretended that she didn’t know how to play chess because she found it too boring.”

“That is, possibly, the most Jessica Whitly thing I have ever heard.”

“You should hear about her weekly manicures.”

Malcolm woke up on the morning of his party and glanced at the time - five AM. He rolled over away from his alarm clock and decided he would lay there for a few more minutes.

_Dani walked in and smiled at him laying sprawled out on the bed. “Good evening. Trying to get a good amount of sleep today?”_

_Malcolm grinned and reached for her. “Waiting for you.”_

_She hung up her coat and toed out of her shoes. “Spent all day just waiting for me like that?” She asked, stepping over to him. The way her hips swayed, evident in her tight jeans, drove him crazy._

_“Missed you,” Malcolm said._

_Dani knelt on the bed, her knees digging into the soft mattress, and Malcolm put his hand on her hip, guiding her onto his lap._

_“Ah, you missed me like_ that _.” Dani, laughed quietly, her eyes crinkled in just the right way, and Malcolm knew she was genuinely happy. She wrapped her arms around his neck, steadying herself._

_Malcolm slipped his hand under her sweater, his pinky grazing the top of her jeans and his thumb brushing against the bottom band of her bra. Her skin was warm against his palm._

_She kissed him, hard and desperate, and he melted into her. Their lips fit together perfectly - the way she kissed him always made him a little lightheaded, and she was here, against him, in his arms._

_He couldn’t remember why it was so shocking that she was in his arms. He couldn’t quite recall why it was different, why he felt like this was his last chance to get things right or his last chance at having her in his bed._

_She peeled off her shirt, slid off her bra, and he cupped her breast, squeezing her nipple between his index finger and thumb. Dani sighed, whined a little and tipped her head back, and she was so beautiful, gorgeous, and Malcolm couldn’t look at her enough._

_It was the quiet kind of foreplay, and before Malcolm knew it, they were both naked, Dani straddling his hips. She leaned towards him and he took his chance to pepper kisses onto her chest, but her right hand dove into his nightstand._

_“What are you doing?” He murmured, his hands caressing over her ass._

_“Getting a condom,” she said, producing the foil-wrapped package._

_“Why?” he asked softly. After they’d been together for a while, confirmed that they were only having sex with each other, they’d given up on condoms. Dani was on birth control and Malcolm hadn’t had an STI since a minor bout of chlamydia when he was in college, having risky sex every other week._

_Dani smiled and tore open the condom, tantalizingly close but somehow so far away._

_He brushed a stray curl off her cheek. “Dani, why? We haven’t used condoms since we got together.”_

_She pressed their lips together and smiled. “It’s fine,” she whispered. She pulled out the polyurethane condom and held it between her fingers._

Malcolm woke up with a start, his back towards his window. The kitchen and the living room were both depressingly empty, and the bathroom door hung ajar. He let his breath out and everything came crashing down on him - it was all a dream. It didn’t help that he was achingly hard, and Dani wasn’t even around anymore.

He flopped onto his back and undid his restraints. He couldn’t stop replaying the moments of his dream in his head - Dani kissing him and sitting on top of him. He slid his hand under the waistband of his sweatpants and grasped his cock, inhaling sharply at the contact.

Getting himself off wasn’t the same as Dani riding him until he saw stars, but he could imagine her, even if it felt like some sort of fucked up voyeurism. He came into his palm, whimpering her name, and when his senses returned, shame replaced the sweet heat in his stomach.

 _Shit_.

How fucking pathetic was he, getting off to a shitty sex dream about his ex-girlfriend? He groaned and grabbed a tissue, cleaned himself off enough to get out of bed, and went to the shower.

He stepped under the hot water and immediately washed off his offending hand, sticky with his own come. The events of the dream were hazy, but he remembered, clear as day, the end, where Dani insisted they use a condom. 

He had nothing against them, of course, and afterward, they’d sat down and had a conversation, in true adult fashion, about their respective sexual histories.

_“I always think it’s funny when people call it a body count,” Malcolm said, tucking his feet under his knees._

_Dani snorted. “Only because that applies to serial killers, too?”_

_“It’s just a funny coincidence,” Malcolm said._

_“You’re avoiding the question, though, Bright.”_

_He fought the impulse to remind her that she could call him by his first name now that they were dating - that would only further derail the conversation. “I had a streak in college where I was having a lot of sex,” he said. “And it wasn’t always safe sex…”_

_Dani sat down next to him, knees angled towards him. “Mhm?”_

_“It was a lot of people,” Malcolm said quietly. “It felt good to be wanted.”_

_“That’s fine,” she said. “I get it.”_

_He slid his hand into hers. “How many people have you slept with?”_

_“Only like, five. Maybe six?” Dani said. “Dating girls was easier because I never had to worry about pregnancy.”_

_Malcolm smiled. “Do you want to get tested together?”_

_“I’d like that,” Dani said quietly._

_“I had chlamydia once,” he admitted. “Uh, back in college.”_

_She rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. “You were treated?”_

_“I didn’t really have any symptoms,” he said. “The antibiotics made me feel worse.”_

_She laughed and kissed his cheek. “Thanks for being honest.”_

They had another discussion after their tests came back - all negative - about what that meant to them and whether they were comfortable removing barriers from their sex. 

It drew him back to his dream about Eve, about her making blueberry muffins that were actually cherry. And though Ainsley had told him, in not so many words, that he was nuts, he was _right_ , that Eve was hiding something from him.

He stepped out of the shower and towelled off before getting dressed for the day. He tossed his sweatpants into the laundry basket and called Ainsley before he could talk himself out of it. She would probably call him nuts, but he would at least have a chance to talk it out.

“Hey,” Ainsley said. “I’m still mad I didn’t get an invitation to your party.”

Malcolm snorted. “It’s for my team,” he said. “And plus-ones.”

“Mom gets to go.”

“Because Gil is bringing her, but you can come, too, it would be nice to have you.”

“No, I’m too offended. Anyway. Why’d you call?”

Malcolm sighed. It sounded ridiculous but he made himself say it, “I had a dream about Dani.”

“Aww, I’m sorry,” she said. “Is that really worthy of a phone call, though? I’m always worried when I see you calling.”

He took a deep breath. “Sorry, it just… reminded me of that dream I had of Eve.”

“Ah, I see you’re going through the list of all your ex-girlfriends.”

“In my dream, we were about to have sex, and she insisted we use a condom, even though we didn’t really use condoms.”

“I am so glad that I get to hear about your sex dreams when I’m on my way to work,” Ainsley mumbled, sighing.

Malcolm bit down on his lip. “I think it means something.”

“Like what? She isn’t having sex with you anymore? It’s been two and a half months, Malcolm, that shouldn’t be a revelation.”

“I know, I know,” he said. “But we only used condoms at the beginning of our relationship.”

“I’ll add that to the list of things I didn’t need to know.”

Malcolm’s mouth went dry. “Is she seeing someone new?”

Ainsley sighed. Malcolm knew that Dani and Ainsley had grown close during the course of their relationship. Maybe Dani had told Ainsley something about it.

Hesitation clear in her voice, she said, “I don’t know.”

His heart dropped and his left hand, not supporting his phone, shook freely. “Come on, Ains, you can’t keep this from me.”

“Malcolm…”

“Is she seeing someone? When did it start?” He ran a hand through his hair, the realization hitting him like a bag of bricks. “Oh, fuck, is she bringing him tonight?”

“I don’t know,” Ainsley said. “But I have to go. Thanks for the _huge_ TMI.”

She disconnected and Malcolm slid his phone onto the marble countertop. 

He stood up and looked around the apartment. He had a lot of cleaning to do before tonight. He picked up the remote to his record player and hit play.

But cleaning wasn’t a distraction good enough to make him forget about his dream, about holding Dani in his arms and how _real_ it felt. About Dani possibly getting with someone else, having those same conversations about body count and whether or not they should continue to use condoms. He shoved his couch and coffee table against the walls, below his weapon’s display, and he wondered if Dani was kissing another man.

Malcolm’s invitation to the party - over Facebook - had included “plus-ones welcome”, mostly for the opportunity to see Tally. At least Gil had checked with him before inviting Mother. Edrisa joked that the only plus-one she could bring was her naked cat. Dani hadn’t mentioned bringing someone, but it wouldn’t surprise him if she did. 

He tried to prepare himself for seeing her, promising himself that he would behave in front of Dani. They were still sort of friends, though their friendship had lapsed towards acquaintances again, despite the fact that they knew each other’s darkest secrets and they’d seen each other naked.

No matter how much preparation went into his afternoon, trying to convince himself that he would be fine if Dani showed up with another man, it didn’t prepare him for that evening.

Dani walked in with a plus-one, a man who only momentarily took his hand from around her waist to shake Malcolm’s. Malcolm nearly called the whole party off.

He introduced himself as Paul. He worked in IT and joked about fixing everyone’s electronics. Malcolm almost asked if he could fix the TV that Mother had thrown her high-heel into. 

He was tall, a head taller than Dani, and fit. He kept his arm around her waist, his hand on her hip and meshed perfectly in with the rest of the guests. He was warm, and he thanked Malcolm for his hospitality, and he told jokes.

Malcolm tallied all the ways that Paul was better than him – taller, funnier, less “socially bizarre” – and Malcolm’s chest ached. He wondered if Paul had ever taken such a high dose of Zoloft that he couldn’t get it up when it counted, or whether Paul had ever nearly killed someone in his sleep, or if he had _any_ mental illnesses at all.

Regardless, Malcolm spent the entire party watching Dani and her plus-one. “Do you want a drink?” Paul asked Dani, brushing a loose lock of hair out of her face.

“I’m good,” Dani said, smiling sweetly back at him. Her sparkling water was still mostly full.

Malcolm glanced down at the counter, leaned against it. She looked _happy_ and that was the hardest part. He expected Tally and JT to look at each other like that, or Mother and Gil, but not Dani and another man. 

Tally sidled up next to him, holding a beer, and she bumped her hip into his. “You good?” She whispered.

Malcolm looked at her, all warmth and security. “I didn’t expect this,” he whispered.

She squeezed his shoulder and even though his knee-jerk reaction was to flinch away, he didn’t. “I know,” she said quietly. “It’s tough. Do you want me to make them leave?”

He shook his head. “No,” he said. “I need to get used to it.”

“You don’t have to hurt yourself because you feel like you deserve it,” she said.

Malcolm offered a wry smile. “It’s okay,” he said. “I can get through this with whisky.”

Tally raised her eyebrows, concerned, and Malcolm headed over to the bar and poured himself another drink. Lowering his inhibitions was a terrible idea but he had a tightness in his chest that only went away when he sipped his whisky. He shot the glass back, convinced that drinking it all in one go would not only kill that tightness, but would prevent it from returning. 

He watched Paul and Dani chat with JT and Tally, sipping his second glass of whisky. 

“So, you’re the bad cop and Dani’s the good cop?” Paul asked.

JT chuckled. “Well, I’d say we’re both good cops.”

“Sure, of course, but you’ve got that linebacker build, you know?”

He had thought the same thing about JT when he met him - that he was terrifying and the “bad cop” of his and Dani’s dynamic.

“JT actually played lacrosse in high school,” Tally said.

“Oh, really? I thought football would be more your scene…” Paul said.

Malcolm saw Edrisa speaking to his mother and Gil, unsupervised, and he abandoned his post as spectator, and hopped into their conversation to avoid Mother from being victim to Edrisa’s work stories.

Malcolm had brought the full-size table from his garden downstairs with JT’s help, moved his living room furniture around to accommodate it, and they all sat down for the meal. Mother entertained JT and Tally with tales of Malcolm and Ainsley as children - everything they could look forward to with their little bundle of screaming and shitting. That left Paul and Dani chatting with Malcolm and Edrisa.

“What is the strangest thing you’ve ever found in a body?” Paul asked Edrisa. 

Malcolm hated that he liked the question, that he hadn’t thought of asking it.

Edrisa hummed. “The closest thing that comes to mind is when I was a tech, I did an autopsy on a guy whose plasma had completely separated from his blood. Like, one big ball of plasma.”

Paul made a face and Dani laughed. “Don’t ask her questions you don’t want answered, babe.”

Malcolm clenched his fist on the table. _Babe_. The food in front of him no longer looked appetizing and his stomach flopped. 

“So, Malcolm, Dani told me you used to be in the FBI,” Paul said.

Malcolm glanced at her and she looked up at him, offering a polite smile as she ate. “Yeah, I was,” he said. She had told Paul about him, then, but he wasn’t sure if it was the right context. If she had told him about him to prepare him for the weapon’s collection behind them or if she had told him about their year-long relationship.

“That must have been so cool,” Paul said. “Were you here in New York?”

“No, I was in DC, but I travelled.”

“I _wish_ I could travel for work.” Paul laughed. “It would be so good to have a change of scenery.”

“It wasn’t really _travel_. I was always working on a murder while I was there, too, so that was a bit of a downer,” he explained, his voice full of venom.

Dani shot him a look and Paul acquiesced, instead letting Edrisa pester him with questions about sports. 

The meal was over and they went back to socializing, all of them sitting around and enjoying one last drink - or in Dani, Gil and JT’s case, a cup of tea. Malcolm was three sheets to the wind, and he was not looking forward to cleaning up all the dishes while he was drunk. Mother had offered to call Luisa but Malcolm refused, loading his dishwasher himself and putting away all the leftovers.

“Do you need any help clearing up?” Paul asked.

Chivalrous and sickening. “I’m fine, thanks,” Malcolm said, taking a sip of his fourth - or was it his fifth? - drink.

“I’d love to help in any way,” Paul said. “Just let me know and I’ll do it.”

“I said I’m fine!” Malcolm snapped.

The room went silent and everyone stared at him. 

He dropped his gaze to the floor. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I, uh, I need some air.”

He stood, abandoning his glass, and he took the stairs two at a time until he pushed open the door to his rooftop garden. He shut the door behind him and stepped out into the cold night air, fisting his hands in his hair. 

He’d come out here, to the same place where he first kissed her, and he wondered if it was the universe playing some kind of sick fucking joke on him. 

“What the fuck was that?”

Malcolm spun around and looked at Dani, standing by the door with her arms folded over her chest. Her face was set and stony, her shoulders tense, and her jaw sharp.

“You’ve been acting like a _child_ all evening,” Dani said. “Staring at me and Paul, giving us dirty looks when _you_ were the one who said we could bring someone if we wanted.”

“I didn’t expect you -”

“You thought I would still be crying over you?”

“You said I still had a chance to get back with you,” Malcolm said. Even saying it sounded juvenile and embarrassing.

She rolled her eyes and Malcolm bit down hard on his lip. “You were rude to him,” she said. “And behaving like that doesn’t make me want to run back to you.”

“Rubbing it in my face that you’re in a new relationship doesn’t help me that much, either,” Malcolm snapped.

She raised her eyebrows. “I didn’t realize that I needed your permission to date someone.”

“I never said -”

“I brought him so he could meet my team,” Dani said. “My family.”

His chest ached, and his hands shook, and he wanted to be absolutely anywhere but here right now. Meeting the team meant that they’d been dating for at least a month, probably more. Had she left Malcolm and gotten together with Paul immediately after? 

“Does he know about me?” Malcolm asked. It seemed unlikely that he would feel comfortable entering Malcolm’s apartment knowing that he’d fucked Dani on nearly every surface in the main room. 

“You’re being incredibly fucking selfish,” Dani said. 

He glared up at the dark night sky. “That’s just what I do best,” he mumbled.

“And now you’re up here throwing yourself a little pity party.” 

“I wanted to get air,” Malcolm mumbled. “You followed me up here.”

“To ask you to apologize.”

“Tell him I’m sorry that I’m such an asshole to my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend.”

Dani sighed. “Do you think this is fun for me?” She asked. “Seeing you hurt like this? Malcolm, I want you to be happy.”

Malcolm set his jaw and paced further away from her, cupping the back of his head with his hands, the same spot where Gil would rest his hand to soothe him.

Her breath hitched just a little and Malcolm shut his eyes. She was crying, and it wasn’t fair - _she_ had broken up with _him._ _She_ had caused all of this. _I just want you to be happy_. 

“I’m sorry that I’m not living up to your expectations,” he said. “But _you_ did this to me.”

“Malcolm -”

“ _You_ broke up with me. _You_ brought your boyfriend tonight.”

“Don’t blame your shitty behaviour on me!”

“Don’t make shitty choices!”

He spun around to her, and she was furious, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I had to do it. And right now? I’m not fucking sorry.”

“Hope you and your boy toy are having fun.”

She turned, slammed the rooftop access door behind her, and Malcolm crumpled down against one of his planter boxes. He couldn’t stop thinking about them, arms wrapped around each other, whispering sweet nothings to each other in the back of a cab. 

He hoped that everyone had gone, that there was no one left in his house to bother him, and he could wash all the dishes one by one and then smash them all. He didn’t want any fucking sympathy from anyone, and he especially did not need a lecture from Mother or Gil about his behaviour. 

Malcolm knew that if it came down to it - him or Dani - he would be the first to go. He was a good profiler, but it was nepotism that had gotten him the job, and she’d been a part of the team for longer. If they could no longer work together peacefully, Malcolm would be let go or moved to a different team, maybe a different precinct entirely.

The roof access door opened again and he sat up, took a deep breath. Mother picked her way across the wooden flooring in her high heels and stopped next to him, resting her hand on his shoulder. 

“Do you need anything?” she asked.

Malcolm shook his head. 

“Come home with me. I’ll have Luisa clean your apartment.”

“No,” he whispered. “I want to do it myself.”

Mother sighed and ran her hand over his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“I was just like this to Gil when we broke up.”

He shut his eyes. He was just like his mother - all smoke, no fire. 

“You might want to try _talking_ ,” Mother said.

“She’s with another man, now,” Malcolm said.

“Just talk to her.”

But after the argument, Dani seemed a thousand miles away. Unreachable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	11. a warning sign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "exile" by Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver! can you tell that i love that song the most? it really fits with the vibe of this fic!!!
> 
> Also, thank you VERY much to [this article](https://36questionsinlove.com) for having the 36 questions to fall in love! they're a wonderful fluffy starting point for any fic!

Dani had an arm wrapped around his waist, half-supporting him up the stairs of his apartment. Malcolm worried that he would be sick as they reached the top of the stairs, all over his nice shoes, and he tried his hardest to breathe slowly. He stuffed his hands into his pocket and handed the keys to Dani. She found the right key and pushed the door open, letting him stumble in first.

“Go sit down,” she said. “I’ll bring you ice and some water.”

Malcolm winced against the lights of his apartment and stumbled over to the couch, collapsing down onto it with a groan. 

A concussion had ruined his evening. A suspect with a very strong elbow had caught Malcolm around a corner, tripped him and landed him in the ER. He’d also vomited onto JT’s lap and he now owed him a new pair of jeans. At least he had Dani with him to take care of him through the worst of it.

She brought an ice pack and a glass of water. “Still nauseous?” She asked softly.

Malcolm pressed the ice against the back of his head, where his skull had impacted with the concrete. “Extremely,” he mumbled.

“That’s going to last for a little while,” Dani said, guiding him down into a horizontal position, with his head in her lap.

“Thanks, I hate it.”

She chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, the longer hairs closer to his forehead where the pain wasn’t pulsing and radiating throughout his skull.

“Should’ve waited for backup,” she murmured, leaning down and kissing his temple. 

Malcolm groaned.

“You could always go to bed early.”

“I can’t sleep at the best of times, who says I’ll be able to sleep now?”

She laughed. “Hmm, maybe the morphine?”

“Morphine can’t stop me,” he mumbled.

She ran her hands through his hair. “I’m not going to keep you up,” she said. “You need rest after a concussion.”

“I can stay up a little longer. Relax, or something.”

“Well, you’re not allowed to watch TV or read or use your phone.”

“I’ve only got you for company. Devastating.”

Dani laughed. “What do you want to do?” She asked. 

“You ever heard of that study where it’s like - I don’t know, forty or fifty questions and it’s guaranteed you’ll fall in love by the end of it?”

“So you want to fall in love with me?” 

He snorted. They’d said it before over beef stew and fresh rolls but it still felt so new to admit it, to not keep it a secret.

“All right, let’s fall in love,” Dani teased, chuckling and pulling her phone out of her pocket. She held it over his head, not letting the light shine in his eyes.

Malcolm shifted so he was on his back and he placed the ice pack on his forehead, sighing. 

“It’s  _ thirty-six _ questions, actually. And it says to take turns asking, but you aren’t allowed to look at phone screens.”

He smiled at her. “You’ll do all the asking.”

She smiled and rolled her eyes. “A true hardship.” She looked at her phone again. “All right, if you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would it be?”

“Hmm, dead or alive?”

“It doesn’t specify. But it does say ‘ _ in the world,’ _ so I’m assuming alive.”

“I was going to say Dumas… What about you?”

“Probably Frida Kahlo.”

Malcolm grinned. “We both went for dead people,” he said.

Dani laughed and rested her left hand on his shoulder. “Okay, next question,” she said. “Would you like to be famous? In what way?”

“I  _ am _ famous,” he mumbled. “And I hate it.”

“Wow, only the second question, and we’ve hit your daddy issues. I don’t want to be famous.”

Malcolm smiled. “Not even a movie star or something fun?” He asked, looking at her. The lights hurt his eyes, but he it was worth it to look at her.

“Nope. I’m a terrible actor. I played Mary in my mom’s church’s Christmas pageant one year, and I almost threw up before going on stage.”

He laughed, closing his eyes. The movement made his head pound again, and he grimaced. “I’m going to need photos.”

“She’s got plenty. Next question?”

Malcolm raised his hand, giving her a thumbs up, as he readjusted the ice pack on the back of his skull again. He sighed.

“Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?”

Both of them laughed. “Because I have anxiety,” Malcolm said.

“I feel like this list doesn’t take anxiety into account,” she said, chuckling. “Okay, what would constitute a perfect day for you?”

Malcolm hummed. “No concussion, first of all. Maybe no nightmares would be nice, too. I don’t know, probably just a quiet day off with you.” 

“You’re trying to make me fall in love with you, aren’t you?”

“Maybe a little. What’s your perfect day?”

Dani smiled and brushed her hand over his forehead, pushing away the hair from his eyes. “A good sleep, good breakfast and good coffee. And it would be perfect if it ended in some really good sex.”

“With me, right?” Malcolm asked.

“For now,” she teased.

There was no expiration date, and for once, Malcolm could see an entire future stretching out in front of them. Wedding planning and shopping for rings and getting a whole new house, with a yard and space for a dog. And it didn’t feel like wishful thinking - it felt inevitable and  _ perfect _ .

“When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?” Dani asked.

“I will not sing.”

“I’ve heard you in the shower,” she said. “You’re good.”

Malcolm glanced up at her. “I’ve got to hear you sing.”

“One day,” Dani said. “I’m not very good.”

“You can carry a tune,” he said. 

She snorted and looked at her phone again. “Next question. Do you have a secret hunch about how you’ll die?”

Malcolm shut his eyes. The question hung heavily over them, especially that the doctors had said he was lucky he didn’t have any brain damage after hitting his head so many times. “Can we skip this one?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I don’t think it’s designed for cops, either.”

“Are we failing a quiz on falling in love?”

“Too late, I’m already in love with you,” Dani said, running a hand through his hair.

Malcolm shut his eyes and smiled. “Unfortunately.”

“Yeah. Unfortunately.”

She didn’t match his joking tone, though, and he opened his eyes to look at her again, resting his hand on her side.

“What’s going on?” Malcolm asked.

Dani licked her lips and sighed. They were both trying their hardest to communicate, foster a healthy relationship, even when it was hard to be open.

“I hate that you run into danger,” Dani whispered.

Malcolm nodded. He hated it, too, when it ended up badly for him. Most of the time he was fine, but on the rare occasion that something like tonight happened, he hated the pain. And he hated that Dani was upset about it, too.

“You’re lucky that this wasn’t worse,” she said softly. “That he didn’t have a gun or knife. That you only have a concussion.”

“Wait for backup,” Malcolm mumbled. He’d heard it a hundred times before. But to jump in and save a life  _ meant _ something to him. 

“Act like  _ you _ deserve to be saved, too.”

He shifted. His head ached, and the ice pack was quickly growing warm.

Dani gently massaged his shoulder. “You were one of his victims, too,” she whispered. “And you don’t have to put yourself in danger because you couldn’t save those people when you were a child.”

He blinked and relaxed into her touch. 

“I still remember that night with Carter Berkhead,” she whispered. 

“And yet you still dated me,” Malcolm murmured.

Dani snorted. “We’re having a serious discussion here, Malcolm,” she teased. 

“You want me to act as though my life has intrinsic value?”

“Exactly,” she said. “Just don’t make me scared for your life and we’ll be fine.”

He leaned his head over towards her stomach, breathing in the scent of her laundry detergent and picking up hints of coconut and vanilla. Her fingers in his hair took away the worst of the ache.

“I love you,” Malcolm said, looking up at her.

She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	12. just not home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "my tears ricochet" by Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver!

Paul wrapped his arm around her waist. His breath, too close to her face, smelled of beer - a beer Dani could remember drinking in college when it was all she could afford. Back when she drank. 

She had introduced him to her friends, her  _ family _ , and he returned the favour in a dimly lit bar where they escaped outside every half hour for his friends to smoke cigarettes. They were nice enough, asking about how they had met (Tinder) and what Dani did for a living. They made too many jokes about how she was a cop and she might arrest them.

She hadn’t forgotten, though, the borderline racist comments Paul had made about JT at Malcolm’s party, the way he insinuated that JT wasn’t particularly smart and he was only good at his job due to his physical size.

“Do you want a drink?” Paul asked, setting down his empty beer bottle.

Dani shook her head. “No, that’s okay,” she said softly. She still had most of her ginger ale left. And she didn’t drink.

“You never drink,” Paul said. “Is there something I should know?”

The bar would be a terrible place to tell him about how she’d lived with Gil for six months while she recovered, while he nursed her through withdrawal. Having to repeat the story of her battle with addiction got old quickly, and it made her wistful for Malcolm.

“No reason,” she said, shrugging. “I just don’t drink.”

He narrowed his eyes. Dani chewed on her lip, silently begging him to drop it; she would tell him tonight when she went to his house after this.

“A new ginger ale?” He offered.

“No, I’m good,” she said sweetly. “Thank you.”

He nodded and stepped over to the bar, abandoning Dani with his rowdy friends who acted like frat boys that had peaked in college. They chatted amongst each other, and Dani folded her arms over her chest. 

“Hey, Paul, tell Joey about your girl’s crazy ex,” Justin said as soon as Paul sat back next to Dani.

Paul laughed. “Oh fuck, he was such a nut case,” he said. “Dani invited me to a dinner with her coworkers and the place is fucking  _ swanky _ , right? Like, he’s loaded.” He addressed Dani, “Don’t know why you didn’t bag him when you could.”

Dani bit down hard on her lip. In their chosen booth, Paul boxed her in against the wall, and she felt more and more like a caged animal.

“And he was just a  _ dick _ to me all night,” Paul said, laughing. “I hadn’t even  _ done _ anything. I offered to clean up, and he snapped!”

His friends laughed and echoed a chorus of “what a bitch.” Dani stared down at the table, tracing the wood pattern with her eyes.

“Just like his dad, I guess,” he said. 

“What does that mean?” Joey asked. “You know his dad?”

“His dad’s The Surgeon,” Paul said, leaning over the table like it was a secret. “Guess some of that must have rubbed off on him.”

“Yo,  _ The Surgeon?” _ Joey asked. 

“Oh yeah,” Paul said.

Justin shook his head. “Nah, man, I wouldn’t have stepped in that house if you paid me.”

“It wasn’t the house where he killed people,” Paul laughed. “But the dude had a whole display of weapons on his wall. Like, he’s definitely ready to follow in his daddy’s legacy.”

Dani sat up. “Stop it,” she said. Her own voice surprised her.

“What? It’s not like I’m saying anything bad about him,” Paul said.

“I’m sorry he was rude to you, but you don’t get to use his dad against him.”

Paul’s face fell before he laughed. “Why are you defending him? You’re not with him.”

“He’s my friend,” Dani said. “Let me out.”

“Dani…”

“Let me out,” she said firmly.

He rolled his eyes, but he complied. He slid out of the booth and exaggeratedly motioned for her to get out. She slid out, grabbed her jacket.

“Don’t call me,” she said. 

Joey looked terribly awkward but Justin smirked. “Nice to meet you,” he said, laughing.

She put on her sweetest smile and cocked her head. “Yeah, it was absolutely terrible to meet you,” she said sweetly. “You’re all a bunch of children.”

“Dani,” Paul said, sighing. 

She stuffed her hands in the pockets of her jacket and stormed outside. A different pack of smokers congregated a few feet away from the door, and Dani pushed through them towards the train.

The cold night air stung her cheeks, and she winced, walking faster to put as much space between her and the bar as humanly possible. Within a minute, she was panting, the cold night air and her pace dissipating the anger inside her chest. Her hands shook, but that had more to do with residual anger than anything else.

She ducked into the first subway station she came across and leaned against a post to catch her breath.

She wasn’t even with Malcolm anymore and he was a big boy - she didn’t have to defend him. People were always going to talk shit about his father and make unfair comparisons, and Dani wasn’t responsible for fixing that. It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter anymore.

She took a deep breath and got on the six, leaned against the inner wall and stumbled a little when the train started up again. Only eight stops and she would be home. She could have a bath, and curl up, and try not to think about Malcolm anymore.

Part of her thought that it was a terrible decision for them to get together in the first place. They should have known better than to date each other when they worked together.  _ She _ should have known better than to date him - she knew that he was a reckless asshole and she still chose to fall in love and break her own heart.

Dani stared down at her shoes and considered that maybe she was an asshole, too. Bringing Paul into Malcolm’s home, a place that she’d once considered her home. She’d never moved in, but she had space in his closet and a toothbrush and her jewelry strewn overtop of his dresser, reflecting light onto the photograph of him and Ainsley as small children.

They’d talked about moving in together, into Malcolm’s apartment, but Dani still had six months on her lease and she couldn’t imagine having that much space. The first time she went in, she thought that his apartment was more closely related to a museum than a home - almost corporate in its coldness. 

She looked up and realized that she was way past her stop. She took the next exit - she could walk the difference back home. She glanced at the station - Spring Street. 

She could go anywhere in this city, on this island, anywhere she wanted, except home, to Malcolm. 

Dani exited the station and turned the corner towards his building.  _ Just to look _ . His windows would be illuminated and she could get it out of her system. She stood across the street, staring up at the window beside his bed, glowing a soft orange.

Cars crossed in front of her and she stared at the graffitied door that Malcolm refused to fix. He said it gave his building a sense of personality and he didn’t mind people expressing their artistic side, even if it meant that the building depreciated in value. 

She took a deep breath and crossed the street, pressed on the buzzer before she could think better of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	13. what a ghostly scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "my tears ricochet" by Taylor Swift!
> 
> this chapter is heavily, heavily inspired by the Criminal Minds episode "Elephant's Memory" (s3ep16) and therefore contains some allusions to bullying. it also features an attempted school shooting, so please take caution!

He stared at the case board, his finger toying against his lower lip. Two high school students had been killed in quick succession - at home. Home surveillance showed nothing but a figure, approximately 5’7”, entering and exiting the home around time of death.

Their most recent school photos were taped to the case board, two smiling young kids with their whole lives ahead of them who had been killed. Thinking about it made his hands shake, especially when he thought too hard about the bullying he’d endured in high school.

The victims were Zack Borden and Owen Norris. Two high school juniors, student athletes on the football team who had big plans for their lives and for prom. Crying mothers and fathers and siblings who couldn’t do anything but stare into the distance. 

It was a personal kill - a shot to their faces. The last thing the boys saw before they died was the face of their killer. 

The headmaster of their school, Lou Barter, said that the boys were wonderful students and even better athletes.

“Were there any conflicts between them and other students?” Dani asked, her hands folded in her lap. 

“A few here and there, but nothing severe,” he said. “This is just such a tragic loss for the school.”

Malcolm noted during their interview that Mr. Barter avoided eye contact and discussed the impact of these killings on other students rather than the students themselves. He was hiding something, certainly, but JT and Gil didn’t find anything noteworthy during their interviews with the victims’ friends.

JT came in with a cup of coffee and handed it to Malcolm. He took a sip and grimaced at the taste, but at least it was caffeine. 

“Feels like high school is just a bad memory these days,” JT said, sighing. 

Malcolm glanced at him. “You weren’t cool?”

JT shrugged. “I wasn’t super popular. I had a girlfriend and I went to parties, but I wasn’t the most popular kid at school or anything.”

Malcolm huffed out a laugh. “Let me guess - you played sports?”

“Lacrosse,” he said. “And, ooh, let me guess - you were a loner?”

“I had one friend.”

“Oh, right, Vijay?”

Malcolm nodded, took another sip of coffee. “But… only until the end of junior year. And other than that, I was the weird scrawny kid that everyone picked on.”

“I probably would’ve picked on you, too, to be fair.”

He snorted. “Yeah, I figured.”

Dani walked in, leaned against the table next to Malcolm with their legs touching. 

“What were you like in high school?” JT asked. 

Dani snorted. “I wasn’t anything special,” she said. “Had some friends I’d go to the corner store with, but nothing major.”

Malcolm fake-gasped. “You were popular, weren’t you?”

“No,” she said. “Okay, maybe a little.”

They laughed as Gil came in, a stern and uncomfortable look on his face. “A kid didn’t show up to school today,” he said. “And his mother can’t be reached.”

“What do we know about him?” Dani asked.

“Jonah Tate, sixteen,” Gil said, adding his picture to the case board. 

“JT,” Malcolm said, glancing at the detective. “Jonah Tate?”

JT laughed. “That was your worst guess yet,” he said.

Gil sighed. “JT, you’re with me, we’re going to check his house. Bright, Powell, go to the school and ask about Jonah.”

Malcolm was never upset to be paired with Dani, to get a chance to spend more time with her. She drove, as always, to the school, where they entered into a sea of teenagers wearing identical uniforms and chattering as they walked to their next class. Dani slipped her hand into his so they weren’t pushed apart (and because she saw the way his shoulders tensed at the roar of noise).

They pushed their way down to the administration office, and Dani asked to speak with Headmaster Barter.

“Detectives, I’m so glad you’re here,” he said, beckoning them into his office. “Is there any news on Mr. Tate?”

“Not yet, I’m afraid,” Dani said. “Is there anything you can tell us about Jonah’s life at school?”

Mr. Barter glanced away, down to his hand and over to the stack of binders on his desk. 

“Anything about his friends?” Malcolm asked. 

“Jonah was a bit of a loner,” Mr. Barter said. “He didn’t really have many friends.”

“Was he bullied?”

“No, we have a zero-tolerance policy for bullying,” Mr. Barter said quickly. “There were just some disagreements between him and some of the other boys. Boys have a way of sorting these things out between themselves.”

Malcolm wrapped his fingers into a tight fist. He was more than a decade removed from high school but the memories of black eyes and bloody noses were still fresh.

“Could we speak with a few of his classmates?” Dani asked.

“Of course,” Mr. Barter said. “I’ll gather a few of them for you.”

Dani mumbled her thanks before they exited his office, out into the hallway. It was quieter now, class in session, and the rare straggling student rushed past them.

“You good?” Dani asked.

Malcolm let his breath out. “He’s hiding something,” he mumbled. “I don’t trust him.”

She touched his arm and squeezed gently. “I know,” she said. “I’m sorry if this is bringing up any bad memories for you.”

He looked away, over to the guidance counsellor’s office. “I was in there a lot,” he said, pointing to it. 

Dani nodded. She knew that this wasn’t the school he attended - no, that was a boarding school upstate, near the border - but that it was a stand-in.

“Bleeding. And adults would tell me that I was wrong for trying to defend myself,” Malcolm said. “That I had detention or work hours for being a victim.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He stared at the door. “I think Jonah is our killer,” he said.

“What?” Dani asked. Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her pocket. “It’s Gil…” She stepped away, glancing back at Malcolm with a worried look on her face as she answered the phone.

Malcolm took a deep breath. Speaking to the other students would confirm it, but he was certain. Jonah had killed the boys who bullied him. And Malcolm was certain because he had thought of doing the same thing to the people who had bullied him. It had twisted his gut and eaten him up that he could even think of doing something like that.

Gabrielle said it was normal, though, to think about enacting revenge. Human. Healthy. It did not mean he was just like his father.

Dani stepped back towards him. “Jonah’s mom is dead,” she said. “Shot while she was sleeping.”

Malcolm bit down hard on his lip. “And Jonah?”

“Missing.”

He nodded, sighing. “He’s definitely our killer.”

She nodded. “Where would he go?”

Malcolm shook his head. “I don’t know, but I don’t have a good feeling about this.”

A counsellor poked her head out. “Detectives, we’re ready for you.”

The first student they met with, Brayden James, slouched in the chair across from them with his arms folded over his chest. “Jonah’s kinda weird. I don’t know. I don’t really talk to him. He came to my house once when we were like, ten? We played  _ Call of Duty _ and he got like, weirdly into it. I don’t know. He seemed sad a lot, I guess.”

The second interview, with Matthew Brown, was more informative. A member of the student council, he sat perfectly straight, his uniform ironed. “I wouldn’t exactly call him a loner,” he said. “But he had a very specific group of friends, and I would describe them as the outcasts. He’s very smart, too - he’s at the top of our chemistry class.”

Their last interview was with a girl, Kayla Letts, who fussed with the hem of her skirt. “Did something happen to Jonah?” She didn’t meet his eye.

“We don’t know yet,” Dani said gently. “We’re just trying to figure out what might have happened to him.”

“Were you close with him?” Malcolm asked.

Kayla gnawed on her lip, shrugging. “I worked on a project with him last month. We - we weren’t friends, but he helped me a lot in chemistry.”

“Did something happen?” Malcolm asked.

“He sent me a Snapchat last night telling me not to go to school today.”

Dani swallowed hard and shared a terrified look with Malcolm. 

“Call Gil,” he said. “We need to lock down the school.”

Kayla looked at them. “Wh-what’s going on?”

Dani stood and Malcolm leaned forward to explain his suspicions to Kayla. The moment Dani’s hand touched the door handle, a gunshot echoed down the hall, followed by an eruption of screams.

Kayla flinched and covered her ears with her hands. Malcolm stood quickly, toppling his chair in the process.

“We have to evacuate,” Malcolm said.

Dani, her hands shaking, pressed her phone to her ear. “Not until we know where he is.”

“Is that Jonah?” Kayla whispered, horrified.

Malcolm nodded. “I think so.”

Dani stepped towards the corner, telling a dispatcher the situation and location. She stuffed her phone back into her pocket and drew her gun. 

“You can’t go alone.”

“You don’t have a vest,” Dani said. 

“Neither do you!”

“I have a gun. You don’t.”

Malcolm hesitated. Her hand rested on the door handle, ready to rush into the fray. It was quiet, and he couldn’t help but wonder if some kids were already dead. Even if they were just like the kids who bullied him in high school, they didn’t deserve to die.

He nodded.

Dani took a deep breath. “Stay here with her.  _ That’s an order _ .”

The door opened and shut in quick succession. Malcolm let his breath out, trying not to trace her path in his mind. Quiet steps, peering around every corner, gun-first. And he couldn’t stop thinking of her light-blue sweater blossoming with blood.

He flexed his hands into fists and glanced at Kayla, her knees pulled to her chest. He swallowed. “Get under the desk,” he instructed. 

She nodded and slid under the desk, making herself small and invisible in the corner. 

“Stay there until someone comes to get you.”

He slipped out of the counsellor’s office and shut the door quietly behind him. Silence. He took a deep breath and crept down the hallway, pressing himself against the wall as he moved towards the cafeteria.

The hallway opened up to the foyer and cafeteria - tables with attached benches organized into rows. It was too early for lunch; the cafeteria was mostly empty with a few students huddling under the tables, hands over their heads.

In the centre of the room, Dani stood with her gun trained on Jonah. He was just a kid, with baby fat on his cheeks and facial hair just beginning to sprout on his upper lip and chin. His hands shook as he pointed the glock at Dani.

“Jonah, the police are on their way,” Dani said, her voice calm and even, but with a tone underneath that Malcolm knew meant she was tense.

He approached slowly, knees bent ever-so slightly, hands out in front of him. Broadcasting that he was not a threat. As soon as Jonah noticed him, he whipped his arm over, aiming the gun towards Malcolm.

“Take another step and I’ll fucking shoot you!” He said, spit flying from his mouth.

“Okay,” Malcolm said, stopping and keeping his hands in front of him. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

“ _ Bright _ ,” Dani growled behind him. 

Malcolm glanced back at her and offered a brief look of apology before looking back at Jonah. “My name is Malcolm. I’m with the police, and I’m here to help you.”

Jonah pointed the gun at him, his hand shaking. Malcolm knew that the probability of getting shot only increased every second that the glock was in his hand; the kid had no concept of gun safety.

“I don’t have a gun,” he said, spreading his fingers. “I’m not here to hurt you. I want to help you.”

“Yeah?” Jonah spat. “Then get back!”

“I know you killed Zack and Owen but I know that they hurt you. I know how that feels.”

He shook his head. “N-no.”

“You see this scar here?” Malcolm asked, pointing to the one on his upper lip. “When I was in tenth grade, Nick Cooper gave this to me. I needed  _ three _ stitches. And Nick Cooper didn’t get in any trouble. My headmaster called it ‘roughhousing’.”

Jonah shook his head. “You’re lying,” he said. 

Malcolm licked his lips and glanced at Dani, who had her gun trained on him, her body angled away to minimize any potential damage. She would not hesitate to shoot him if she had to.

“Jonah, it’s over. Put the gun down, okay? Let’s talk.”

“No!” He screamed, his face twisting up in frustration.

He realized that this was the wrong angle. He nodded and continued, “The police are going to be here soon, Jonah. I know you want someone to feel the same pain that you do, but that won’t help.”

“Don’t fucking tell me that if I surrender you’ll make sure they’re nice to me!”

Malcolm nodded, stepped forward. “You and I both know that won’t happen,” he said. “But you need to put the gun down. Or my colleague? She’ll shoot you.”

Jonah turned, pointed the gun directly at Dani. Malcolm stepped into the path, positioned himself as a shield in front of her.

“Bright!” Dani growled.

“Jonah, put the gun down,” Malcolm said. 

He looked more and more like a caged animal. 

“It’s going to be okay.”

“You’re a liar!” His hand shook, pointed straight at Malcolm’s chest, and the gun went off with a bang. 

Malcolm stumbled back and collapsed on the shiny, tile floor, staring up at the fluorescent lights. His right hand came up to his left shoulder - he couldn’t really feel anything, but he’d been knocked down. His fingers came back bloody.

Malcolm flinched when another gun went off. 

A burning sensation erupted in his shoulder, under his collarbone, just above his heart. And then the dread came on, and he tried to press as hard as he could against the spot that spilled blood.

“Bright!” Dani skidded next to him, collapsed to her knees. 

She tore off his jacket, balled it up and pressed hard against his shoulder. He groaned and he could feel his heart racing.

Her face was an equal mixture of fear and anger, and he was certain that she was cursing him out in between telling him that she loved him, but he could only hear the blood rushing through his ears.

“Stay with me!” Dani said, her voice shrill and terrified.

He gave her a grin, the only apology he could offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	14. epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "epiphany" by Taylor Swift! 
> 
> this chapter contains some medical procedures and terms.

The room was dark and quiet; Dani was alone now, curled up on the recliner beside Malcolm’s bed. Jessica had left ten minutes ago on a mission to get coffee. She’d laid her hand on Dani’s shoulder and squeezed it in such a way that Dani worried she might break down.

Ainsley had given her a new shirt to wear, a spare out of the back of her car, before getting on the phone with ADN. She would report the story of a foiled school shooter - a success story.

Gil had ghosted through as well, staying in the waiting room while Malcolm was in surgery. He was pale, shaken. Dani stopped trying to think about the last time she was in a hospital waiting room, when Gil’s life was on the line. 

Dani shifted. She remembered Malcolm trying to lighten the mood. Holding her hand. 

She glanced down at her hands - clean and rubbed raw. She’d washed the blood off but she could still feel it under her nails, on her skin, cold and sticky. 

He’d lost so much blood. The bullet nicked his subclavian artery and he’d lost a litre, maybe more. The wound was through-and-through, no bullet to remove, but an artery to patch up. And blood to replace.

Every time a doctor opened their mouths, Dani felt like vomiting. There was only one thing she needed to know - would he live?

The doctor who collected them from the waiting room after Malcolm’s surgery had said he would live. They didn’t know if the use of his left arm would be impacted. But he was alive. 

“Other than Jonah, no kids got hurt,” Gil had said earlier.

He was right. Ainsley was right, too. It was a success. Except for the students who had been through it. Except for this.

If one of the kids had been wounded or killed, she would only have to write a report about it and offer her condolences to the family. Ainsley would report it and Dani would cry, terrified for her baby sister who was still in high school.

She wouldn’t have to be here with Malcolm, horrified by how cold his hands were to the point where she couldn’t hold them. The nurse explained that it was normal. His body was redirecting blood flow towards his vital organs. 

Dani turned her head away from him and swallowed. Here she was, wishing death on innocent students. They didn’t matter to her because they were nebulous, only numbers, statistics. They weren’t people she knew. People she loved. 

And she would be fine with them dying if it meant that she wasn’t here now with Malcolm, unconscious, on a hospital bed.

They would be home by now, both of them coming down from the adrenaline high and laughing about how they’d survived. It wasn’t funny - it never would be - but the relief of being safe at home would win. They would cook dinner together and have sex before going to bed, holding each other a little tighter.

Instead, Dani was here in the hospital.

She knew he would wake up soon and she would have to be here for it, the inevitable panic at being sedated. And he would feel terrible that he’d been hurt, he would apologize until he lost his voice, but it wouldn’t take away the ache in her chest.

Hadn’t they had a conversation about this? Hadn’t she told him to stay in the counsellor’s office? Hadn’t he listened to any of it?

Dani dug her nails into her palms and took a steadying breath. If he woke up, he would still try to profile her, even tripping on painkillers and the after-effects of anesthetic. And she didn’t trust herself to keep her composure right now.

She hated hospitals. Ever since she’d been pulled out of eleventh grade math class for a family emergency, she hated hospitals. She had spent the bulk of her time in the waiting room. First, Dad was in surgery and she sat in the waiting room with Sergeant Arroyo, her Dad’s partner. The one who pulled her out of math class.

She’d been allowed to see Dad after his surgery. He was laying flat on his back, a thousand tubes and wires attached to him, and she held his hand before he went into cardiac arrest and a nurse took her back to the waiting room.

And then Mom was crying and her world crashed down around her and it didn’t even matter that she had math homework anymore.

Dani couldn’t handle it if her boyfriend met the same fate as her father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	15. wool to brave the seasons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter is from "invisible string" by Taylor Swift!

Malcolm entered the cell and took a deep breath, feeling his right hand shaking gently beside his leg. Martin turned, always dramatic, and grinned.

“My boy! You look nice!”

Malcolm was incredibly overdressed - wearing a tux and a bowtie. Immediately after this visit, he would go back home to Gil and Mother’s engagement party. 

“What’s the occasion?” Martin asked, settling into his chair.

“Engagement party,” Malcolm mumbled. “I can’t stay long.”

“It’s not your own engagement party, is it?”

Malcolm sighed.

“You’d tell me if you’d popped the question to Dani.”

“Dani and I haven’t discussed marriage.”

“Ha! So you  _ are _ seeing Dani?”

Malcolm sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. He could fix it in the car. “Yes.”

He wanted one thing that was his own in his life. One thing that his father couldn’t analyze to death and use against him. 

“That’s  _ wonderful  _ news, Malcolm! Oh, you were so broken after what happened with Eve.”

Malcolm looked down at his hands, adjusting his cufflinks. 

“How long have you been seeing each other?” 

“Couple months,” Malcolm mumbled. 

“Don’t lie to your father, Malcolm!” Martin chided, grinning. “Tell me  _ everything _ .”

He sighed. “We’ve been dating for about a year. Nothing special.”

“Are you in love with her?”

He balled his hands into fists and released it slowly. “Yes,” he said quietly.

“Oh, young love,” Martin sighed, leaning back. “It’s so wonderful in the first year.”

Malcolm checked his watch. He still had ten minutes before he had to leave. “I’m on top of the world,” he deadpanned. But it was true - he’d never been happier.

“So, whose engagement party is this, then?” Martin asked.

“A friend of Dani’s from college,” he said. He’d been told by both Gil and Mother that, under no circumstances, should he tell Martin Whitly about their relationship.

“Must be fancy if it’s black tie. Was that the dress code?”

Malcolm knew that he was trying to trap him in a corner, in some kind of lie, until he admitted whose engagement party it truly was. 

“Dani thought that I should dress up, since I wear a suit every day as it is.”

“Smart girl.”

Malcolm held his gaze, his hand shaking again. 

Martin nodded. “I can’t wait to meet her again under these new circumstances. Hopefully, she isn’t as violent as Eve.”

He rolled his eyes. “I have to go,” he said. 

“Next time bring Dani!”

Despite leaving early, Malcolm was still late to the engagement party. He slipped in while Ainsley made some speech in Gil and Mother’s honour, taking his spot next to Dani. He wrapped his arm around her waist.

She laid her hand on the small of his back. In her long-sleeved purple dress and with her makeup applied, she looked beautiful. “You good?” She whispered. “You’re tense.”

Malcolm shook his head. “I told my father about you - about us.”

Dani pressed her lips together and nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m here now.”

She tightened her grip on him and Malcolm rested his head on her shoulder, breathing in the feeling of safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	16. your faithless love's the only hoax i believe in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "hoax" by Taylor Swift!

Gil adjusted Malcolm’s tie for him and he rolled his eyes. “I’ve got it,” he said, peering at himself in the mirror and adjusting the four-in-hand knot. His tone, however, was sharper than he liked.

“You know what your problem is?” Gil said, in his paternal tone.

“I’m thrilled to find out,” Malcolm mumbled. He rolled his shoulders back, taking extra care to shift the left one.

“You’ve had too long of a dry spell,” Gil said.

“Gil -”

“I’m serious! It’s been, what - four months since you and Dani broke up?”

“I do not need  _ the talk _ from you, but thank you.” Malcolm slid his blazer on and fastened the button. He looked good, if it wasn’t too vain to say so. 

Gil snorted. “You saw her with someone else, too, so it’s perfectly normal to feel jealous.”

“You think I feel like I’ve been cuckolded because my ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend?” 

Gil put his hands on his hips and sighed. “You’re a bitch,” he said. “And you have to move on.”

Malcolm took a deep breath. “I’m  _ fine _ .”

“Uh-huh? You sure about that?”

He swallowed and checked his hair before he knelt down and slipped his shoes onto his feet. “Look, this is my second date with Aaron, I’m sure that I’ll get laid and then I’ll be a nicer person, or whatever.”

Gil bit his lip and nodded. “We’d better hope.”

“Goodnight, Gil,” Malcolm said. “Thank you.”

Maybe there was a shred of truth to Gil’s words but Malcolm wouldn’t let it colour his date. 

Aaron was nice. Malcolm wasn’t sure how Mother had chosen him, but he showed an interest in Malcolm’s weapons collection, asked about the swords and the guns, and he even said that the throwing stars were his favourite. He came up for coffee after their date.

Malcolm shed his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves, leaned up on his tiptoes to grab the coffee beans out of the cupboard. He set the container down on the counter and Aaron came up behind him, snaked his arms around Malcolm’s waist.

“Are you really going to make me coffee?” He asked, his lips at Malcolm’s ear.

He shivered. “If you want,” he said.

“Caffeine at ten at night? How would I sleep?” 

Malcolm turned in his arms and slid his hands up, around behind Aaron’s neck. “And if I don’t want you to sleep tonight?”

Aaron laughed, ducked down and kissed him. It felt good to be shorter, to be wrapped up in his arms. The stubble on Aaron’s face reminded him, over and over again, that he was not kissing Dani, but it scratched on his skin in a way he might have found pleasant when he was in college.

Malcolm pulled Aaron closer so that he boxed him in against the marble and their bodies were flush against each other. Their lips moved together, and if he let his mind wander, he could lose himself in the sensations.

Aaron unbuttoned Malcolm’s shirt and pushed it aside, his warm hands sliding over his hips. He pulled away and glanced down at Malcolm’s abdomen, his thumb brushing over the stab wound on his left hand side. Malcolm shivered, remembered the pain and the terror, and met Aaron’s eyes.

“What happened?” 

Malcolm shrugged. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. He hadn’t told Aaron anything yet in an attempt to save himself from a situation like the one that had arisen with Mother’s first attempt at setting him up, Natalie and he wasn’t sure how to bring it up. 

He kissed Aaron again, hopeful that he wouldn’t notice the much larger, still slightly red wound on his shoulder. Aaron kissed him deeply, desperately. It felt good to be wanted, to be on track to having sex for the first time in months. 

Malcolm reached down, fingers gliding over Aaron’s belt, when the doorbell rang. He groaned and leaned his head back, breaking the kiss, and Aaron leaned down, peppered kisses on his neck.

“Leave it,” Aaron whispered.

“I can’t,” Malcolm mumbled, sighing. 

Aaron bit a mark. “It’s probably nothing,” he whispered.

“It’s probably just my sister,” Malcolm said. “I’ll go see if she’s okay.”

Aaron pulled away, stepped back, and Malcolm avoided his gaze as he buttoned his shirt. He ran his hand over his neck; his neck tingled where Aaron had sucked and his heart was still beating faster than usual. He was, undoubtedly, turned on.

He unlocked his door and padded down the stairs, straightening out his shirt when it didn’t sit right over his chest. He opened the front door and nearly gasped.

“Dani?”

Her eyebrows were raised and her chin was a little wobbly - she was upset. “Is - is this a bad time?” She asked quietly.

Malcolm licked his lips and glanced back towards the stairs. Aaron was waiting for him. “Uh…”

She shook her head, looked away and pressed her lips together. “I just want to talk,” she whispered.

“Are you - are you okay?” Malcolm asked.

Dani folded her arms over her chest and looked down at her shoes. She wore a skirt and a nice shirt under her trademark leather jacket and she had a cut on her knee from shaving her legs. 

“You were on a date,” he observed.

She chuckled. “Of course you would figure it out.”

Malcolm swallowed and thought again of Aaron upstairs. He wouldn’t wait forever.

“I, uh… I broke up with Paul,” she mumbled, looking up at him and meeting his eye.

“Oh.”

Hope rushed into his system and he completely forgot about Aaron. He crushed it down, glanced down at his sock-feet.

“I - I didn’t know where else to go,” Dani said, her tone verging on desperate. 

“You wanted comfort,” Malcolm said, still staring at the concrete. 

She took a deep breath. “Yeah. I guess.”

He looked at her, glanced at Aaron’s car parked on the street behind her.

“Now isn’t a good time, is it?” Dani mumbled.

Malcolm shook his head.

“Finally moved on?”

“Dani…”

She swallowed and stepped backwards, away from the door. Her shoulders tensed. “Or did you just hire a sex worker?”

He sighed. “Do you want me to get you a cab?”

“Have a good night! Don’t forget to warn them about the night terrors!”

Malcolm sighed and watched her walk away, unsteady in her high heels. He shut the door and took a deep breath, sent off a quick text to JT about Dani, and went back upstairs.

The sex was good that evening. But only good. Not mind-blowing or amazing but satisfying all the same in that he had an orgasm and he felt good. 

Aaron fell asleep quickly in Malcolm’s bed, sprawled out under the blankets, and Malcolm didn’t have the heart to wake him and ask him to leave as he’d done with nearly every other partner. He had hidden the restraints, not ready to have that conversation. 

He slid out of bed and put his boxers back on, padded over to the sink and got himself a glass of water. He leaned against the counter and looked over at the bed, at Aaron bathed in moonlight. 

It could be so good. But he couldn’t stop thinking of Dani. 

Malcolm shifted his left shoulder. He could still remember the last time they had sex.

_ Dani lounged on his couch in sweatpants and her bra, reading  _ The Sense of an Ending _ by Julian Barnes. She looked up and smiled at him. _

_ “How was the doctor?” She asked. _

_ “She cleared me for vigorous activity,” Malcolm said. “And, more importantly, I’m cleared to go back in the field.” _

_ “I think I’m more interested in the vigorous activity part,” Dani said. She set his book face-down on the coffee table, and padded over to him. _

_ Malcolm laughed and slid out of his jacket, wrapping an arm around her waist. She was here, close to him, her arms around his neck and her hips pushed against his.  _

_ Things had been different since he got shot. He couldn’t tell if it was because he was often a little dazed from the codeine, but since he’d weaned off it and switched over to acetaminophen, it had persisted.  _

_ She wasn’t as warm, as affectionate. He caught her looking at him, her expression inscrutable - a little worried and a little sad. He refused to entertain the possibility that things were falling apart between them, but every time Malcolm tried to ask her what was going on, she clammed up, looked away.  _

_ The past few days were especially tough. He wasn’t allowed at work yet but Dani still had to go in regularly, and he missed her while she was gone, but somehow he missed her even more when she was home, on the other side of the couch.  _

_ And this morning, she had gone for a run before he woke up. When she came home, she only glanced at the cup of coffee he made for her, said she was running late, and dashed out the door. He spent the rest of the morning trying not to panic that this was the end. _

_ But here she was in his arms, kissing him like she wanted him.  _

_ They’d been together for over a year now and this was their first time having sex since Malcolm had been shot. It was awkward and it wasn’t great, but it was sex, it was Dani straddling him and moving slowly on top of him. It was Dani, kissing him and moaning, breathing heavily. _

_ Malcolm tried to rationalize that this felt different because they had been together for more than a year now. He tried to rationalize that things couldn’t be over because here he was, with her rolling her hips, his cock buried deep inside her.  _

_ He sat up, steadied himself with his right hand on the pillow behind him, and thrust deeper into her. Dani tipped her head back, her hair falling down her back, and her hand slid down her hip, pressed against her clit and rubbed in circles. Malcolm wrapped his left arm around her hip, pulled her closer. _

_ Malcolm came with a quiet grunt followed by a stuttered moan. Dani followed a minute later, sighing and relaxing against his chest.  _

_ They had gone through the motions, used each other’s bodies, but Malcolm couldn’t feel any more warmth between them, and his chest tightened. His breath caught in his throat, and he held her closer. _

_ “Malcolm?” Dani asked. _

_ The tears had already started, coming hot and fast down his cheeks. _

_ She pulled away just enough that she could cup his cheeks, wipe her thumbs under his eyes. “What’s going on?” _

_ Malcolm couldn’t stop thinking about how this would be over. This moment was temporary. And he wanted to ask if she was going to leave him, but he couldn’t muster the courage. Instead, he shook his head, sniffled. “I’m fine,” he said, laughing at himself. “I just… It must be the meds or something.” _

_ Dani kissed his forehead and Malcolm laid his hands against her back, nestled his head between her neck and shoulder. For now, he could live in the myth that this moment would last forever. _

It didn’t last forever, though, and a week later, she ended things. 

He couldn’t resent her for putting herself first. But he didn’t want anyone else but her, even if it meant giving up the ideal, picket-fence life that he could see with Aaron.

The intangibles - the passion. None of it was present with Aaron. They could get married and be perfectly happy together, but Malcolm’s heart wouldn’t flutter the same way it had with Dani. 

He sipped his water and set it down. He would get up in the morning, pretend he’d spent the night happily asleep next to Aaron, shower and then make him breakfast. And then Aaron would go to work and Malcolm would never see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	17. no other sadness in the world would do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter is from "hoax" by Taylor Swift

“I can’t believe you ended things with Aaron!”

Malcolm sighed, leaned against Ainsley’s countertop. “It’s reality,” he said. “Unfortunately, I ended things with Aaron.”

Ainsley groaned. “You’re an idiot. He was great, and you fucked it up.”

He fiddled his fingers together and nodded. “Yes.”

She stopped pacing back and forth from her stove to the opposite wall, staring at Malcolm. “You need to get over her, Malcolm.”

He swallowed and nodded.

“It’s over. She has her own boyfriend -”

“They broke up,” Malcolm mumbled.

Ainsley sighed and stepped over to him, grasping his shoulders. “You need a vacation,” she said. “Anything away from New York. Italy? Or maybe Switzerland - you need a serious escape.”

“I don’t  _ need _ anything,” Malcolm mumbled, standing up and moving away from her, back towards the living room. A retort about basic human needs sat on his tongue, how he didn’t  _ need _ anything except oxygen and water and food - the rest was all confetti - but he swallowed it.

“You need to forget about her.”

He rolled his shoulders back and sighed. He took a deep breath to get over the annoyance, the flash flood of anger in his system.

“You need to -”

“I don’t  _ need _ anything!” Malcolm said. “And I’m sick of hearing everyone tell me what I need!”

Ainsley stopped by the counter, hands on her hips, nodding.

“I need…” he paused and took a deep breath. “I need  _ her _ .”

She walked over to him, wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He sighed, holding her around the shoulders and leaning their heads together. “I fucked it up,” Malcolm mumbled. “I drove her away.” It wasn’t new information. It was just him scratching at the wound again so he could bleed. 

“I know,” Ainsley whispered.

“Can I fix it?” He mumbled.

“I don’t know.”

Malcolm swallowed hard and pulled Ainsley closer. He missed Dani. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	18. marked me like a bloodstain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter is from "cardigan" by Taylor Swift!
> 
> Gil's cat is named Garth after _Wayne's World_ , a film I feel he would be familiar with!

Dani opened her closet and sighed. Her sister was going to graduate and she wanted to borrow the locket Dani kept with a photo of their father inside. She knew that it was in here somewhere - not that she’d cleaned her closet in a while. But she could do some spring cleaning while she was here, toss all her old clothes in a bag to donate.

She’d spent so little time in her own apartment that she’d completely forgone cleaning and organizing her closet. Not that she had a whole lot of time to begin with, being a cop and all. 

Dani pulled pieces of clothes off the bottom of her closet, reminding herself of the last time she wore them. Many of them were pieces she’d rescued from Malcolm’s apartment, things she’d worn on dates with him. A crumpled dress she’d worn on their last date and the black leather jacket with gold zippers she’d worn when he took her axe-throwing.

She took a deep breath and tossed them aside, reaching back once again to where she thought she’d last seen the box containing her locket and grabbed a bunch of fabric. She pulled it out and her blood ran cold.

A white button-up shirt with dark stains of dried blood. Malcolm’s blood.

She hadn’t been able to breathe and she wasn’t thinking straight. She had tossed it to the side and promised herself she’d bathe it in bleach later, and she never got around to it. 

Screaming and putting pressure on the wound and begging Malcolm to be okay. And then washing up in a tiny hospital bathroom, turning the water pink and scrubbing to get the blood out from under her fingernails. Her hands were rubbed raw afterwards, the skin tight and dry and irritated.

But there was another time she’d worn this shirt.

The first time they slept together. Malcolm’s greedy hands sliding under the hem, grabbing at her skin and pulling her closer. His hands undoing the buttons with such fervor that Dani laughed and told him not to tear them right off.

She had low expectations for their first time due to the fact that men often disappointed her in bed, but Malcolm made her come three times. 

And didn’t she miss that? Didn’t she miss the way he always satisfied her? Paul was fine, but he was less thrilled about cunnilingus than Malcolm. Besides, she’d broken up with him. It wouldn’t be fair to go back to him when he hadn’t even made any effort to change, and he’d only devolved further into being an asshole.

What if it was an addiction? If she was only hurting herself in the long run, there was no point basking in the pleasure. 

Dani stood on shaking knees. She would find the locket later, she had time. She went to the only place she knew where to go: Gil’s.

She knocked on his door, even though she had a key with a dab of blue nail polish to distinguish it from the others. Gil let her in, his cat perching on the couch behind him and meowing at the intruder.

“Hey,” Gil said, shutting the door behind her.

Dani walked inside, heading right for the comfort of his living room and sank to the floor in front of his couch, her knees up by her chest and her shins digging into his coffee table. Garth hopped up on the coffee table and blinked slowly at her. She reached over and held out her hand; he sniffed it and pushed his cheek into her palm. 

“What’s going on?”

“I miss him,” Dani whispered. The same way she had sat on his floor and told him that she needed help after her time undercover.

Gil sat in the armchair across from her and nodded. “I know.”

She snorted, tugging gently on Garth’s ear. He purred loudly. 

“You two both have feelings for each other,” Gil said. “Talk to him.”

“I don’t know if I want to open that can of worms again,” she mumbled.

“You work with him, Dani.”

She laid her arms over her knees, rested her chin on them and looked away. Garth meowed indignantly and hopped off the coffee table, walking away with his tail held high. 

“You miss him and that’s okay. You should talk to him. You have unresolved issues.”

Dani shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “I don’t - what do I even say? ‘I’m sorry that I can’t be with you because we’re both deeply fucked up people, but I miss you?’”

Gil took a deep breath, stroked his hand over his beard. “Talk. To. Him.”

Dani nodded. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	19. the rain is always gonna come (if you're standing with me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter is from "peace" by Taylor Swift!
> 
> I cannot tell you how much fun I had writing Martin Whitly in this scene.

Malcolm paced across the floor, eyes on the red line. Martin, in his chains, sat in his chair twiddling his thumbs. 

“Got a new case?” 

“Not right now,” Malcolm mumbled. And it was true, he hadn’t been to the precinct in nearly a week and he was going crazy. Nothing to do, nothing to keep his brain busy, and he couldn’t even spy on Dani.

“So, you’re here to chat?” Martin chuckled and relaxed back into his chair. “I knew you’d come around.”

“You’re still blackmailing me, aren’t you?” 

Martin laughed. “Oh, that’s over.”

Malcolm shook his head. “As if they’d believe you at this point.”

“Willing to call that bluff?”

Malcolm sighed and stopped, took a deep breath.

“What’s troubling you?”

His hands shook, and he stuffed them into his pockets. “I’m fine.”

“Well, if I’m still blackmailing you, then that means I have at least another thirty minutes of your time.”

Malcolm clenched his jaw and glanced at the door. Mr. David sat peacefully on the other side of the door, waiting for Malcolm’s signal that he was done. He shut his eyes and looked down. “It’s nothing,” he whispered.

“How’s your, uh, your  _ partner _ ?”

Malcolm stopped and stared at the ceiling. “Fine,” he said.

Martin raised his eyebrows and swivelled in his chair, side-to-side. “Mhm."

“Stop it.”

“I’m just curious about what’s going on in my son’s life.” Martin raised his hands innocently as far as his handcuffs would allow.

“We’ve been broken up for about six months,” Malcolm said. He counted the days - how much longer it would be until they’d been apart longer than they’d ever been together. He clenched his fists tight, bracing himself for the impending barrage of sympathy.

“What happened?” 

Malcolm rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Martin sat up, scooted forward on his chair. “It’s okay. I know, it can be painful.”

He glanced over at the folding chair in the corner, open and waiting for him to take a seat.

“I’m guessing the break up was her idea?” Martin prodded.

“Yes,” Malcolm grumbled, sighing.

“And you want her back?”

“But I’ve been acting like an idiot. Being a jerk all the time, insulting her new boyfriend…”

Martin grinned. “Pulling her pigtails, too?”

Malcolm rolled his eyes and turned towards the door. Like always, it was a mistake. And like always, he had thought maybe it would be different.

“Oh, come on, Malcolm,” Martin said. “You just have to  _ talk with her _ .”

“As if you know anything about love.”

“Your mother only got a divorce because of the felony convictions.”

“That makes it so much better,” Malcolm deadpanned. He raised his fist to knock, to leave, but he sighed and dropped his hand to his side. 

“It’s okay to just be honest about it,” Martin said softly.

Malcolm took a deep breath. 

“Don’t do anything fancy; just talk to her.”

He crossed over to the folding chair and collapsed onto it, sighing. “You destroyed Mom,” he said.

“I hear she’s having a good time with Officer Arroyo,” Martin mumbled.

“ _ Lieutenant _ .”

“Potato, potato.”

Malcolm bit down on his lip, stared down at the concrete floor, the persian rug. “I don’t want to hurt Dani the way you hurt Mom.”

“You won’t.”

He narrowed his eyes, kept his face pointed towards the floor but glanced up at Martin. 

“You know you  _ could _ hurt her but you don’t want to. So you won’t.”

Malcolm rolled his eyes. “It isn’t that simple,” he said. “I - I would hurt her without even thinking about it.”

“Of course you’ll hurt her at  _ some _ point. But she’ll hurt you, too. That’s the terrible part of being in love.”

He stared down at the floor and bit down hard on his cheek.

“It’s nasty business. It’s necessary.”

Malcolm sighed. “It’s not going to go well,” he said, standing. “We’re physically incapable of having a civil conversation.”

“Well, if you can have a civil conversation with me, I don’t see why you can’t have one with her.”

Malcolm sighed. “There’s too much tension between us.”

Martin grinned and winked. “Maybe  _ don’t _ have a conversation beforehand… to ease the tension.”

He knocked on the door and Mr. David unlocked it, let him out and said goodbye with a curt nod. Martin called out after him, wishing him luck, but Malcolm ignored him and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

He found himself outside Dani’s apartment, his hands shaking at his side. All he had to do was knock and sit on her couch and speak with her. Talk about his feelings. Or something. It all sounded much better in theory.

Malcolm took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He waited to hear footsteps on the other side of the wall, the locks turning, but there was only silence. He bit down on his lip and knocked again, a little harder this time. 

They didn’t even have a case right now, so Dani would not be at the precinct or out questioning families or witnesses. He knocked again.

“Dani,” he said, leaning his forehead against the door. “Dani, let me in.”

Which meant she was ignoring him. 

He shut his eyes and let his breath out. “Dani, please,” he said.

The high of his father’s words wouldn’t last forever and he didn’t want to let this moment go to waste. He’d returned his key, though, given it back during the early, blurry days of their breakup. 

He swallowed and nodded, stepped away from the door. A lump formed in his throat, and exhaustion, deep in his bones, settled over him. He stared at the door, wondering if Dani was on the other side just waiting for him to go away.

Malcolm turned on his heel and headed towards the stairs. It was stupid to think that Martin Whitly could convince him that he had a second chance, that he’d ever had an opportunity for a second chance. 

And wasn’t it fucked up that Malcolm was willing, completely willing, to listen to Martin’s advice on love when he had brutally shot down everyone else’s offerings? 

_ We’re the same _ .

Maybe Dani hadn’t broken up with him because he constantly put himself in danger, because he was shot and nearly died, but because he admitted that he had thought about killing people. 

He nearly sat down in the stairwell to throw himself a pity party and cry, but instead he continued walking down the street until he got home. 

Things were too far gone, and Dani ignored him. He would go home, turn on some music, pour himself some scotch, and work harder at getting over her. He would see Gabrielle soon, anyway, and maybe he would consider moving to the other side of the country. Perhaps the other side of the world.

He came to his door and fumbled with his keys, taking a deep breath. He stuffed the key into the lock and pulled the door open, prepared to drown his sorrows in scotch and worry that he was becoming some terrible amalgamation of both his parents.

Sitting on the steps to his apartment was Dani, her elbows on her knees.

“Uh,” Malcolm stammered, blinking. 

“I’m sorry,” Dani said. “Gil gave me his key but I didn’t have the guts to go up…”

“I was just at your apartment.”

She smiled a little. “Guess we should talk.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

He wasn’t sure how to proceed, if he should offer her a hand or if he should walk past her up the stairs and wait for her to follow his lead. She stood and began heading up the stairs, and Malcolm followed, his plans for the evening rearranging themselves in his mind.

Dani entered the apartment first and stepped out of her shoes. Malcolm quelled the hope rising in his chest that her bare feet meant she would stay for a while.

“You were at my apartment?” Dani asked, sitting at his counter and tucking her hands between her knees.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

She took a deep breath, sat up a little straighter and nodded. “I’m ready to listen.”

Malcolm nodded and swallowed, crossing behind the counter. He thought about getting himself a drink and then considered that it might be rude to give himself a chemical crutch when Dani would face all of this sober.

“I’m sorry,” Malcolm said, leaning against the marble countertop. “I’ve been an asshole and… you don’t deserve that.”

“Thank you,” Dani said. “I’ve been… mean, too.”

From this close, he could smell her conditioner - coconut and vanilla - and it brought back all the memories, all the times he drank in her scent and held her close. All the times he was happy.

“I still love you,” he said quietly.

She bit back a smile and looked down at the counter, shifted a little in her chair. His heart swelled as he thought about having her back here, in his apartment in the mornings while they drank coffee and ate breakfast.

She fussed with her fingers. “Gil told me that we needed to talk, so I guess that’s a direct order.”

“And he gave you his key,” Malcolm said, grinning.

“Where were you?” Dani asked, resting her chin in her hand. Her eyes were filled with warmth, love, and he forgot every snipe they’d ever exchanged.

“You were with Gil,” Malcolm said, chuckling. He hoped she would drop it, let him wrap his arms around her waist. “And you got JT in the break up.”

She laughed. “You got Sunshine, so it’s only fair.”

Malcolm crossed over to her and smiled when she leaned closer to him. He touched her shoulder gently, and she leaned into it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Dani nodded. “Ainsley?” She asked.

“What?”

“Is that where you were before I got here? I was waiting for an hour.”

Malcolm bit down on his lip. “She’s at work.”

Dani pulled back, pursed her lips. “Malcolm.”

He stepped away, towards his living room, and ran his hands through his hair.

“If you can’t even be honest with me about this…”

“It was my father,” he said, more to his bookshelf than to her. 

The silence pressed in on him and he balled his hands into fists, turning around to face her. She sat on the stool, her shoulders slumped forward.

“We can go to couple’s therapy,” he said.

Dani turned. “You think that would fix this?” 

“Or I’ll go to therapy more often. Talk to Gabrielle and stop throwing myself into danger.”

Her face was hard, disappointed, and she shook her head. “You think that would change anything?” 

Malcolm took a deep breath. He hadn’t expected it to turn out like this. 

“Nothing will change if you still go to him for advice. Especially about me.”

“What was I supposed to do?”

Dani sighed and shrugged. “I wish I’d met you before you went back to him.”

“I was a mess!” 

She flinched.

He looked over towards his windows, the brick side of the neighbouring building, and ran a hand through his hair. “I have always been a mess,” he whispered. “And I’ll probably always be a mess.”

“I’m sorry.”

He deflated. She stood, stepped away from the counter. 

He could still remember when Dani standing in his apartment in her sock-feet was normal, an everyday occurrence. She would join him at the counter, take a sip from his coffee, and kiss him goodbye. 

And now she was going to leave for good.

“Please don’t go.”

She stepped into her boots and pulled the zipper up, glanced over at him and offered a sad smile. “I’m sorry.”

Just like before, she stepped out and closed the door behind her. And this time, Malcolm wasn’t enraged, and he didn’t have a glass to throw across the room. He didn’t even want to throw anything. 

His legs were leaden as he walked over to his bed, sank onto the mattress with a weight engulfing his chest. He smelled the last whiffs of her perfume.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	20. standing in my front porch light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this chapter is from "cardigan" by Taylor Swift!

Dani stayed late at the office to finish up the paperwork. So far, she had successfully spent her time avoiding Gil and JT, who had colluded about her predicament and were both awaiting the good news that she’d gotten back together with Malcolm.

He’d come by earlier, too, and not spared a glance at her desk. She didn’t mind. She could see him talking to Gil through his office windows, sitting down and crossing his legs. And then she realized she was staring, and she looked away, back to her paperwork, and tried to think about the arrest she’d made last week.

Gil and Malcolm shook hands before the latter left, and Gil stood in his office, hands stuffed in his pockets and sighed. Dani wondered idly if he’d handed in his resignation, decided to leave to avoid any of the awkwardness between them.

She had a terrible idea after he left. And then she spent the rest of the day drowning in her paperwork just to avoid having to think about it for more than ten seconds.

After work, she drove straight to Claremont Psychiatric. She wasn’t sure why she was there, why she wanted to talk to him, but she knew she had to.

“I’m here to visit Dr. Martin Whitly,” she said, glancing down at the desk in front of her as she said it. 

The receptionist nodded and clicked on a few things. “And your name?”

“Dani Powell.”

“You’re not on Dr. Whitly’s visitor’s list,” he said. 

She pulled her badge out of her pocket. “I’m with the NYPD - I just have a few questions for him.”

He nodded and pulled out a form for her to sign. She’d seen it before when she came with Malcolm - a legal document that protected Claremont from any future lawsuits she may file in case of emotional distress. She signed it without reading it - and without thinking of the fact that Martin Whitly could have been her father-in-law.

For a long time after her dad died, she dreamed of her future father-in-law. Someone kind and warm, who would walk her down the aisle towards the person of her dreams and dance with her at the wedding. Martin was none of those things. 

Maybe he disgusted her and ruined her fantasy to the point where she couldn’t picture a life with Malcolm without those imagined pieces included.

She gave up her gun and her cell phone, went through a metal detector to prove that she had no other weapons on her person. Mr. David walked her down the hall and reminded her not to cross the red line before he unlocked the door and allowed her in.

Martin beamed when he saw her, and gave a little bow. “You are very welcome,” he said.

“We didn’t get back together,” Dani said. 

His smile faltered, no longer touched his eyes. “Oh. Well, I’m sorry to hear that.”

She swallowed and nodded.

“I thought I offered some pretty good advice…”

“It wasn’t the advice. It was that  _ you _ offered it.”

“You won’t let him take advice from his own father?”

“Not when it’s you.”

Martin smiled venomously and Dani’s blood ran cold. “Oh, isn’t this  _ romantic _ . A lover’s quarrel and you both blame me.”

She remembered the first time she met Martin, accompanied by Malcolm right before they went to the Taylor wedding. 

The minimally restrained shaking in Malcolm’s hands as he’d told Martin, ‘you tried to kill me.’ The hard look on Malcolm’s face and the flicker of fear on Martin’s face before he had his expression concealed again, jovial and convincing.

Months later, Malcolm was still reeling. 

_ Dani woke up to an empty bed. It was not unusual, of course, because Malcolm often couldn’t sleep, and to avoid disturbing her, he would pace his apartment or read on the couch or go for a walk. She sat up, pushed her hair out of her face, and looked around the apartment for him.  _

_ Maybe he was upstairs in the garden or his office. She yawned. There was no point in looking for him, but she was always worried when he wasn’t home. Chances were too high that he would run into trouble if he went for a walk. _

_ “Malcolm?” _

_ The bathroom light was on. She stood up carefully and padded over to the door, knocked gently.  _

_ “Babe? You good?” _

_ She heard retching and ragged breathing on the other side of the door, and she cringed. _

_ “Malcolm? Can I come in?” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ She pushed the door open to see Malcolm on the floor, propped up against the toilet. His hands shook worse than ever, and he was breathing erratically. _

_ “What’s wrong?” Dani asked. She grabbed a washcloth and wetted it with cold water under the tap before she knelt down next to him, brushed it carefully over his clammy forehead and then moved down to his lips. _

_ “N-nothing,” he whispered, attempting to give her a convincing smile. “Just a nightmare.” _

_ “Wanna talk about it?” She sat fully on the floor, their knees pressed together and took his hand, squeezing gently. She ran the washcloth over his face. _

_ Malcolm shook his head. _

_ “Okay. Just breathe, okay? Get your breathing under control.” _

_ He followed her breathing, slow and steady, in through the nose and out through the mouth. He held onto her hand with a vice grip, and she folded the washcloth in on itself, dabbing it against his forehead. _

_ “Sorry to wake you up,” Malcolm said quietly, his voice still shaky.  _

_ “It’s okay.” _

_ “I… I can’t stop thinking about what happened… with Watkins. Underground.” _

_ Dani nodded. “That was a lot.” _

_ “My dad wanted to kill me,” he whispered. “I can’t… I can’t stop thinking about it.” _

_ She squeezed his hand. “I know you hope that he loves you in whatever… horrible way he could.” _

_ Malcolm swallowed and looked away, taking another deep breath. “I don’t… I just keep wondering how he planned to do it.” _

_ Dani scooted closer, bracketed his legs with her own. “You can’t think like that,” she whispered, running her hand through his hair.  _

_ He looked at her, met her eye for the first time. “I keep imagining that he actually cares about me. That he - that he loves me.” _

_ “You know that isn’t true.” _

_ “I want it to be.” _

_ “I know.” _

_ Malcolm leaned forward, rested his head on her shoulder. She rubbed his back slowly and held him until the shaking stopped. _

“It’s good to have something in common,” Martin said, grinning.

Dani swallowed, glanced down at her feet.

“You know, I never got the full story of your breakup. I could be more helpful if I knew what happened.”

“He was shot.”

He fake-gasped. “You broke up with him because he was  _ shot _ ?”

Dani sighed.  _ “No,  _ I broke up with him because he threw himself into danger against direct orders and acted like his life doesn’t matter.”

Martin raised his brows and nodded.

She glanced down at her hands, worrying together in front of her. “He nearly died the same way my dad died,” she whispered.

If Malcolm were here, he’d have warned her against telling Dr. Whitly any details of her personal life. 

“You don’t want to watch the man you love die in front of you,” Martin said.

Dani nodded and swallowed past the lump in her throat.

“Because you’re in love with him?”

“Yes.”

“You’re still in love with him, even if you broke up with him.”

She clenched her jaw and shut her eyes.

“What if he died in the line of duty while you two were broken up?” Martin asked, his voice calm and affectionate. Warm.

Dani bit her lip. 

“That’s still a possibility,” he said. “And he would die without hearing that you love him.”

She took a deep breath, schooling her emotions down. If he’d died while they were broken up… If the last thing she’d ever said was something awful…

“He loves you  _ so _ much.”

“It’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?” Dani mumbled.

“Exactly,” Martin said, “and I think he would do anything for you.”

She nodded. She had no time to think how horrible it was that she was here, taking romantic advice from The Surgeon. “Thank you, Dr. Whitly.”

“Thank me later,” he said, winking.

She knocked on the cell door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	21. change the ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "cardigan" by Taylor Swift!

Malcolm collected a box of Dani’s remaining things, the very few items that Ainsley had failed to notice during her deep clean that he was just unearthing now. He had a large drink before he piled it up in a box - a necklace, a half-used bottle of deep conditioning treatment, a pair of socks that got lost under his laundry. He wasn’t even sure why he was returning it rather than tossing it out, but maybe he just wanted a millionth chance. 

He’d already ruined his second chance. She was so close, sitting in his apartment and smiling at him coquettishly. Touching her shoulder was like relapsing, and now he was in withdrawal all over again - it had reminded him of all the other times.

He tried to work on getting over her, for good. For real. 

Part of that process was cleaning his apartment of any trace of her. A deep clean. New bed sheets that she had never slept in, had never touched. A purge of his wardrobe and dresser. Tossing everything in his fridge that she had added, that she had gotten him to eat.

And the box. Knick-knacks. A book. A record she’d given him for his birthday, one that they’d played and danced to in the cool moonlight. He knew she would protest him giving it back but he couldn’t bear to listen to Hozier without her in his arms.

He kept the box by the door and went to pour himself a drink. It was late, and he was sure that she’d be home by now, curled up on the couch with a book or something playing on TV. He would take it over tomorrow and maybe he’d set it down outside her door, knock and run away like he was playing ding-dong-ditch. 

Malcolm didn’t even get the chance to grab the whisky when the doorbell rang. He sighed; of course he couldn’t get two minutes alone. He walked over to the door and pressed the intercom.

“Hello?” 

“Malcolm, it’s me.”

Dani. His hands shook and he wanted that glass of whisky.

But he could give her back the box. Gain some well-needed closure. And then maybe if he could act somewhat rationally during all of this, they had some hope for working together going forward.

“Come in,” Malcolm said. He buzzed her in and looked around his apartment - the same way it was before Dani. Would she notice the missing pieces? His full trash can and his empty fridge?

He opened the front door for her and waited. 

“Hi,” she said, poking her head around the door. She stepped in and shut the door behind her, leaning against it with her hands behind her on the wood.

Malcolm noticed she wore the same clothes from work earlier. She’d come straight here. He cleared his throat and motioned to the box by the stairs. “It’s the last of the stuff you left here. I was going to bring it to you tomorrow…”

She nodded and brought her hands in front of her, twining her fingers together. “Do you think we could have a cup of tea?” 

“Dani…”

“Just one cup of tea.”

She had a desperate edge in her voice and Malcolm relented. He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed two mugs, two Earl Grey tea bags. It was one she’d bought for him, one he hadn’t tasted in months except in memory of their kisses. He filled the kettle with water and kept his back to her while it came to a boil.

Dani sat at his kitchen counter and shrugged out of her coat, laid it on the counter in front of her. He resisted the urge to tell her there was no point in getting comfortable - she wouldn’t be staying long.

At least he had something to do with his hands. He poured water into each mug and grabbed teaspoons out of the drawer before he handed Dani one of the mugs and clutched his own, savouring the burning sensation on his fingers.

“Sit,” Dani said quietly.

Malcolm came around the island and sat on the stool next to her.

“I’m sorry about how I acted the other day.”

He shook his head. “It’s fine, I get it. I’m sorry, too, I shouldn’t have yelled.”

Dani angled towards him, her knees inches away from touching his thighs. “I don’t want to walk away from this.”

A lump formed in his throat and he looked away. “Dani…”

“I made a mistake the other day.”

“I’m trying to get over you.”

“Don’t.”

Malcolm shook his head, stood and paced away from her. “You were right about my father.”

Dani paused and he turned, looking at her. She pressed her lips together and looked down at her legs. “I wasn’t.”

He took a step closer. She avoided his eyes. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“I visited your father…”

He choked out a laugh. “You  _ what _ ?”

She nodded. 

“Are - are you okay?” He stepped closer to her, nearly reached out to touch her before resting his hand on the counter.

“I’m fine.” She took a careful sip of her tea. “I don’t know what I wanted but he gave me some… pretty solid love advice.”

Malcolm sat down again, facing her. Their knees bumped together, and he didn’t bother to move away. “Martin Whitly gave you love advice?”

“I know it sounds terrible.”

“He - he’s a psychopath and a narcissist.”

“I know. But I think he was right. If you’d died while we were broken up and I’d never gotten a chance to tell you I love you again… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

He was reminded of six months ago, telling her that he didn’t give a shit what she could live with. He swallowed, looked at her. Met her eyes for the first time since she’d arrived. He could drown in them if he wasn’t careful.

But he was so tired of being careful. Showering at nine in the evening and climbing into bed right after only to stare at his ceiling for the next eight hours until his alarm went off. Getting up and doing yoga and trying to  _ breathe _ away the pain. 

“It’s all manipulation,” he whispered.

“But it was good advice. And I don’t want to throw it all away just because it came from Martin Whitly.” She touched his knee.

Malcolm grabbed her wrist, caught between pushing it away and pulling her closer. He surged forward and kissed her.

She tasted of tea and bergamot and sugar. She kissed him back, her hand grasping at his hair. It was like a burst of electricity surged through him, seized his heart and cleared it of a pain buried so deep that he forgot it was there.

She shuffled closer, kissing him deeper. Her hand disrupted his styling gel and the hard work he’d put in this morning, but he didn’t care about anything other than the fact that he was calm, for once. For the first time in months, he was calm, and he was home.

Dani pulled away first and smiled at him, pressing her lips together. She brushed a lock of hair she’d loosened off his face.

“I missed you so much,” he whispered. 

“Don’t get all sappy,” she said, scooting to the end of her seat. Their knees slotted together.

“Are you sure you’re okay after seeing my dad?”

Dani smirked. “He’s a teddy bear compared to your mother,” she teased.

Malcolm laughed, leaned in closer and kissed her again. He had forgotten how nice it felt, and he was glad all over again that he’d broken up with Aaron.

“You know what I missed the most?” Her hands wriggled out of his and found their way to his chest, working at the buttons of his shirt.

“The expensive cheese?”

She laughed against his lips. “No, I missed how thorough you are.”

“Thorough?”

She slid her hand over his bare chest.  _ “Thorough.” _

He pulled away, circling her wrist with his hand. “Wait.”

Dani sat back, biting her lip. “You good?”

“I don’t - I don’t want to have sex right now.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

“I think… I think we should talk a little more.”

“Please, don’t end this.”

“No - no, of course not!” He said quickly. “I just want to… iron out the wrinkles?”

Dani smiled and nodded. “I can do that.” She stood and stepped out of her shoes. “Let’s get comfy.”

She carried her tea over to the coffee table, settling down into the couch. He rebuttoned his shirt and followed, setting his tea on top of one of his books in lieu of a coaster. 

She held her tea in her hands and raised her eyebrows. “Where are your coasters?” she asked.

“They were yours,” Malcolm said. Mother had given Dani a set of slate coasters for her birthday, but Dani kept them at Malcolm’s. 

She sat sideways on the couch, pulling her feet up onto the middle cushion with her back against the arm and the decorative throw pillow. “They’re not at my apartment.”

“Must be in the box, then.” Malcolm slid his right foot under his left leg, angling himself towards her. 

“You don’t have to give them back to me.”

“I didn’t think this would happen.”

Dani bit back a smile and sipped her tea again. “Who knew Martin Whitly would give such wonderful relationship advice?”

“Funny, since he’s divorced. But he assured me that was only because of the felony convictions.”

“That changes everything,” she laughed.

Malcolm grinned and chuckled. 

Dani leaned her head to the side, smiling. “Are we going to pick up where we left off? Or start over?”

He glanced down at his lap and bit his lip. “I don’t know if I want to pick up right where we left off. That was… rough.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure how to be gentle about it.”

“I know.”

“Things felt so serious.”

“They were. I think…” He paused, considering his next words. “I’ve thought a lot about… spending the rest of my life with you.”

Her face broke into a grin. “Now is  _ not _ the time to propose.”

“I wasn’t going to! I just meant that I love you.”

Her smile quieted down into something softer. “I love you, too.”

“I think my tea’s gone cold,” Malcolm mumbled, reaching over and picking it up. He took a careful sip - it was warm, but not satisfyingly hot as he liked.

“Is that something you want?”

“Cold tea? I mean, not particularly, but that’s why Percy Spencer invented the microwave.”

“No, I mean marriage,” Dani said, her voice quieter and a little more shy.

“Oh.”

“I just want to make sure we’re on the same page,” she said. 

“I never… thought of myself as the marriage type. I mean, my mother expects it, but being bi complicated things and my massive emotional baggage didn’t help.”

“Malcolm…”

“I want it with you.”

She beamed, leaned over and kissed him before she sat back. “You just had to make a speech about it?”

“Of course. I want to be better for you, too.”

“Mhm?”

“I’m going to try and… not kill myself at work.”

She scooted closer and lifted his hand off the mug, twining their hands together. “I appreciate that,” she whispered.

He squeezed her hand. “I still think we should get some therapy together.”

“You’ll cheat on Gabrielle?” Dani fake-gasped.

Malcolm laughed. “Just for you, babe.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder. “I love you.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	22. twisted in bedsheets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is from "august" by Taylor Swift!
> 
> for a playlist for this section, I would highly recommend [this one](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0ffPwF1frYORIOLsxi5yuG) from my wonderful paper wife!

All night, Dani’s hand had been on Malcolm’s thigh, a little too high and too close to his inseam for him to be altogether comfortable having dinner with Gil and Mother. He couldn’t even call her on it without alerting Gil and Mother - two people who absolutely did not need to know that they had a sex life at all. 

As soon as they got to Dani’s car, he pushed her against the driver’s side door and bracketed her in. “You’re the  _ worst _ ,” he whispered.

Dani grinned. “You had a semi all night.”

“I could barely pay attention to what my mom was saying about flowers.”

“Who gives a shit about peonies, anyway?”

“My mother.”

Dani kissed him gently. “Let’s get home, all right?”

He squeezed her hip before walking to the other side of the car. They got in and she started the car, reaching over to lay her hand on his thigh again. “Both hands on the wheel, Powell.”

She laughed and began the drive home, back to her apartment. She hadn’t resigned her lease last month, meaning her days in the apartment were limited and she would soon move into Malcolm’s apartment. They decided to get the most out of these last few days.

They walked from the parking garage to the elevator, and Malcolm wrapped his arm around her waist, his hand resting low on her hips. They’d gone straight from work to dinner, meaning that Dani had to spice up her outfit in the bathroom at work. She’d kept her skin-tight jeans but exchanged her work shirt with a floral blouse and a necklace Malcolm had gotten her for their first Christmas.

The elevator to her apartment had mirrored walls and a thousand of them extended on into eternity. Dani backed Malcolm against the wall and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her shirt rode up and his fingers found the space of exposed skin, slipped under.

She kissed him deeply and Malcolm lost himself in it, thankful to have her in his arms again. Their reunion was still somewhat new, and the wounds of their breakup were slowly turning into scars.

They reached her floor, and they separated. In the mirror, Malcolm saw that he had some of her lipstick smeared on his upper lip, and he reached up to wipe it away. Dani’s hand caught his around the wrist and stopped him.

“Your neighbours will notice. Especially Mrs. Kendrick.”

Dani grinned. “Let her be happy for us.”

She led him off the elevator to her apartment, unlocking it and leaning over to unzip her boots. Malcolm stared at her while he had the opportunity, the swell of her ass, and he wondered if he was the luckiest man in the world.

“Want some tea?” Dani asked.

“No.”

She turned, smirking. “Did I get you all hot and bothered?”

He stepped closer to her, circling his hands around her waist and pulling her body flush against his. “You’ll pay for that.”

She laughed and Malcolm pressed his lips to her jaw, kissing down under her ear to her neck and biting marks onto the skin. Dani hummed, halfway to a moan. His fingers worked under the flimsy material of her shirt, upwards towards her chest. They found the spot where the band of her bra would usually sit and he was surprised to find it empty, discovering her bare breasts instead.

“Fuck,” he mumbled against her skin.

She laughed, tangling her fingers in the hair at the base of his neck. “It didn’t work with this shirt,” she said. 

He cupped her breast instead. “I don’t mind.”

She stepped away from him, backing towards her bedroom and peeled the blouse off over her head. Malcolm followed, shedding his suit jacket and loosening his tie. Dani bumped into her bedroom door, and he kissed her again as her hands worked the buttons on his shirt, pushing it away and onto the floor.

She broke the kiss, pressing another to his collarbone, the scar where he’d been shot, and he let his breath out with a quiver. She opened the door behind them and stepped into her bedroom, pulling him in with her hands around his wrists.

Malcolm pushed her towards the bed, and she fell back against it. He crawled on top of her, undoing the button of her jeans and pulling the zipper down. Dani arched her back, pushed her hips up, and Malcolm pulled her jeans off, turning them inside-out in the process. He dropped them beside the bed and slid his hands under her panties, the plain black ones he’d gotten used to before the breakup.

“You’ve ruined enough of my nice panties,” Dani mumbled, smiling.

“Sorry,” Malcolm chuckled. He’d always managed to put his thumb through the lace of her fancy lingerie, tearing the delicate fabric.

He leaned down, pressing kisses to her hips, to the small divots of stretch marks traversing them. His hands grasped her thighs, pushed them apart, and he pressed a gentle kiss to her clit, suctioning gently before licking with the breadth of his tongue. She whimpered above him, fisting her hand in his hair, and Malcolm had missed these moments the most. She was all his, surrendered and spread out.

Dani moaned, and he knew that the walls of her apartment were thinner than paper, that all her neighbours could hear, but he didn’t care. He’d found his altar, and he would pray until they both found absolution.

He had tried prayer to deal with their breakup, kneeling beside his bed with his hands pressed together and mumbling to whichever deity would listen. He knew that he was likely talking to the walls, but it had replaced moments like this, when Dani gasped out, “God, fuck,” like a mantra.

Malcolm slid a finger into her, licking at her faster and glancing up at her from under his lashes. Her back arched, her head pressed into the pillow and her hair around her like a crown, as she moaned his name. 

She gasped and tightened around his finger as she came, shuddering before she relaxed against the mattress. Malcolm pulled away, pulled his fingers out of her and smiled. He ignored his erection, pressing painfully against the front of his trousers, for fear that he would come as soon as she touched him.

Dani snagged his hips by the belt loops and pulled him down, her fingers making quick work of his belt and zipper. She was still panting from her orgasm as she kissed him messily, desperately. He pushed his pants away, shimmied out of them, and slid his boxer briefs onto the floor. 

“Do… do we need a condom?” Malcolm asked. It was a horrible question, reminding him that she had brought another man into this room, this bed.

“Not a bad idea,” Dani said.

At least remembering their breakup had pushed him back from the edge. He grabbed a condom, tore it apart, and Dani took it from him, kissed him as she rolled it down over his cock. He shivered, bit on her lip, and she laughed.

“Lay down,” she whispered. 

He laid on his back, his head at the foot of her bed, and he watched her toss her hair over her shoulder as she straddled him. He held her at the waist as she steadied the base of his cock and slid down, sighing. Malcolm bit down on his lip hard, muffling his groan.

She rolled her hips, her hand on his chest to keep herself balanced, her finger near the scar on his collarbone. He sat up, wrapping his arm around her waist, and Dani tucked her head against his shoulder, whimpering as she kissed the scar.

A physical reminder of the reason they’d broken up. The scar would never go away completely, but soon it would be another part of him, of them and their relationship.

“Are you going to fuck me?” She whispered, kissing his neck and his shoulder.

“Only if you ask nicely,” he murmured.

Dani laughed, sat up and rocked her hips. “Please?”

“Gotta do better than that.”

“Is this your idea of payback?”

“Come on,” he urged, squeezing her ass.

“Pretty please will you fuck me?”

Her soft tone, her dark eyes, and he couldn’t resist. He flipped her over, pressed her into the mattress, and hitched her hips up. He fucked into her with abandon, steadying himself with one hand on the sheets beside her waist, the other supporting her hips. 

Malcolm was high on the noises she made below him, moaning and begging him for more, and he felt his orgasm building low in his belly. “Fuck, Dani,” he mumbled, groaning as he came.

She wrapped her arm around his arm, the one supporting his weight, her hands warm and gentle and wonderful. Panting, he lowered her hips and pulled out of her, disposing of the condom.

“You’re really pretty when you come,” Dani whispered, sitting up and kissing him chastely.

He laughed, collapsed onto the mattress with his head on her pillows. They smelled like coconut and vanilla - uniquely her. “I like to think I’m pretty all the time.”

Dani stood carefully, kissed his forehead and padded over to the bathroom. He shut his eyes, took a deep breath, ready for sleep. The toilet flushed and she exited the bathroom, rubbing a lavender-scented moisturizer into her hands.

She laid down next to him, rested her head on his shoulder while her hand rested above his sternum. Her palm laid flat while her fingers traced indiscernible patterns. He pulled the blankets around them.

“Our… breakup,” Malcolm started.

Dani looked up at him, brows knit together.

“Breaking up and getting back together… Does that mean I’m no longer lucky number seven?”

She laughed. “Excuse me?”

“Well, you dated me, then Paul, and now me again, which means I’m number nine.”

“You’re a dumbass.”

“Nine is still an okay number - it’s an odd number, it’s great for multiplication. But seven is prime and - isn’t it the smallest prime number?”

Dani bit back a grin. “I think that would be two, darling.”

Malcolm hummed. “In my defense, I just had really good sex.”

“You can stay number seven, if you want. You’ll always be number seven in my heart.”

He grinned. “Want me to explain the origins of seven being a lucky number now?”

“I think that’ll make a wonderful bedtime story.”

He brushed a lock of hair out of her face and told her about how seven was associated with perfection in the Bible, how there were seven heavens in Judaism, about Yin and Yang combined with the Five Elements in Chinese culture. Dani fell asleep before Malcolm made it to the part where he was the luckiest man alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos, a comment, or come chat on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)!


	23. to end up with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> breaking with tradition, since this is rather an epilogue of sorts, this title is from "lover" by Taylor Swift!

The manor was nearly unrecognizable. Mother had Luisa dress it up for the wedding, transforming the living room into a ceremony space and the dining room into a reception space. The usual furniture - the couches and tables and chairs - were moved elsewhere and replaced with chairs and mounds of flowers.

Malcolm’s hands shook a little as he redid his bow tie for the third time. It wasn’t as though he was particularly anxious, but Mother’s nervous energy had probably rubbed off on him. 

Malcolm had taken his childhood bedroom to get dressed, among the well-loved novels on his bookshelves and the collection of yearbooks from high school. Dani had Ainsley’s room down the hall while Ainsley was with Mother in her bedroom. 

A knock on his door made him flinch. 

“Can I come in?” Gil asked through the door.

“Yeah,” Malcolm said, pulling his bow tie apart again and sighing.

Gil pushed the door open, grinned at him. He had left his dinner jacket behind, only in his white shirt and bow tie. He fussed with his cufflinks. 

“You good?”

“I can’t do my tie,” Malcolm huffed. Of course, it didn’t help that he’d ruined his left thumb two years ago, and the doctors predicted he’d have arthritis in that joint. 

Gil walked over and turned Malcolm towards him, tying it into a perfect bow. “Your mom should’ve gotten you a clip on.”

“Oh, as if Mother would allow that.”

Gil grinned and patted him on the shoulder. “She just wants it to be perfect.”

Malcolm sighed. “I want to see Dani.”

“She’s got a lot more to put on than you. Makeup, earrings. She’s fine.”

Malcolm pouted and grabbed his jacket, shrugging it on.

“You nervous?” Gil asked.

Malcolm shrugged. “Not really. Are you?”

“I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

“I’m glad it’s happening. You and Mom are really great for each other.”

“Don’t get sappy on me, kid,” Gil laughed.

Gil and Mother were finally getting married after waiting for years for the stars to align, for everything to go right. And Malcolm was thrilled that they were both happy, that there would be some legal reason to call Gil his dad. 

It was a small affair, given that Mother had very few (if any) friends or relatives that she wanted to share this with other than Malcolm and Ainsley, and the fact that anything much fancier may have given Gil a heart attack. So their guest list was largely made up of Gil’s team and Jessica’s children, plus a few other relatives or friends.

“All right, I’m going to check on JT,” Gil said. “Be good.”

“Good luck,” Malcolm said.

Gil shut the door behind him and Malcolm sat down at his desk to put on his shoes. Once they were on, he surveyed himself in the mirror and took a deep breath.

He wasn’t meant to see Dani before the ceremony, but he couldn’t help it. He slipped down the hall to Ainsley’s room and knocked on the door.

“Come in!” she called.

Malcolm cracked the door open. “Are you decent?”

“Like you’d be upset if I wasn’t.”

He grinned and stepped in, finding Dani sitting at Ainsley’s vanity in her bra, an unbuttoned cardigan, and a pair of shorts. 

“Hey, you look nice,” she said, looking up from applying her eyeliner. 

“Not as good as you,” he said, kissing her cheek. Her skin smelled of powder and cosmetics. 

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere, Bright.”

Malcolm laughed and sat at the foot of Ainsley’s bed. “Worth a shot.”

Dani hummed and went back to the mirror, finishing off her eyeliner and surveying her work in the mirror. “You ever thought about us doing this one day?”

“All the time,” Malcolm said. “I think we’d have to have my dad attend virtually, though, since he’s the only reason we’re together.”

She laughed. “Your mom might throw a fit. And your  _ step-dad _ would have a few things to say, too.”

“My  _ step-dad _ ?”

“Gil,” Dani said, grinning and popping the lid off her lipstick. 

Malcolm smiled. He’d always secretly thought of Gil as his dad, and he’d wondered if he would ever have an actual step-father, if Mother would sit them down at the dining room table and introduce them to her boyfriend. It was just lucky and wonderful that Gil was the one becoming his step-dad.

He watched her in the reflection apply her lipstick, wiping away errant smudges with the pad of her pinky. She sat back and looked over her work, sighing quietly. 

“You look gorgeous,” Malcolm said.

Dani pressed her lips together and stared down at the vanity, laden with her products. “Help me get dressed?” She asked, standing and crossing the room to the garment bag hanging in the closet. 

“Of course.” 

He already knew what it looked like - a floor-length navy dress that covered her chest and attached at the shoulder with a slit up the front that he knew he would fuss with during dinner. Dani shrugged off her cardigan and stepped out of her shorts, took the dress off its hanger and unzipped the back closure. She stepped into it, hoisted it up and glanced at Malcolm as she pulled her hair over her shoulder, holding it carefully so as to not disturb the curls.

“Gorgeous,” he whispered, sliding the zipper up and kissing her shoulder.

“Should you even be seeing me before the wedding?” Dani asked.

Malcolm rested his hands on her hips, pulled her closer. “You’re not the bride.”

“Always a bridesmaid,” she sighed.

Gil and Mother had agreed to split their wedding parties by gender; while Mother  _ wanted _ Malcolm to be a “brides-man,” Gil argued that it made more sense for him to be the best man. So Mother had Dani and Ainsley, while Gil had Malcolm and JT.

“Besides,” Malcolm said, “if I’d seen you out there for the first time, I might have cried, and that’s Gil’s job.”

Dani turned around in his arms and carefully adjusted his bow-tie. “You think he’ll cry?”

“He cried when he married Jackie.”

She sighed, rested her hands flat against the lapels of his jacket. “I wish I’d been there.”

“I mean, it wasn’t  _ that _ great. There was no open bar, and I was also twelve.”

“Were you as awkward as I imagine?”

“A hundredfold more awkward.”

She smiled and kissed his cheek. “I should go… make sure we don’t have a runaway bride or anything.”

“Good luck,” Malcolm said. “I’ll see you down there.”

He watched her leave, offering a small wave as she pulled the door behind her. He followed after a minute, walking down the hall to the guest room where Gil and JT fiddled with their cufflinks. 

The ceremony went quickly, but it was gorgeous. Half the time, Malcolm caught himself staring at Dani rather than paying attention to Mother and Gil as they exchanged vows. And afterwards, after the clapping and the cheering for the new couple, they were subjected to posing for photographs. Malcolm didn’t mind - it was his mother’s wedding, after all - but it was relentlessly boring to have the photographer remind him to smile and lower his chin.

At one point, while the photographer focused on Gil and Mother together, Malcolm took Dani’s hand and they slipped away into the quiet dining room. He leaned against the wall and took a deep breath, focusing on Dani’s hand in his.

“You good?” She asked, squeezing his hand.

“Mhm,” Malcolm said. “Just had to get some air.”

Dani rested her head on his shoulder. 

“When we get married, I hope we don’t have such a pushy photographer.”

“I want to walk down the aisle in a pretty white dress,” Dani said quietly.

“Of course.”

She smiled, leaned up and kissed him. He thought momentarily about backing her into the bathroom across the hall from them and taking advantage of that high slit on her dress until the door opened, and Ainsley came in. Her dress matched Dani’s in colour, but it had a different neckline, showcasing her clavicle with off-the-shoulder straps.

“Run off for some hanky-panky?” Ainsley asked, folding her arms over her chest.

“No,” Malcolm said. “Just some quiet.”

“Doesn’t look like you wanted  _ quiet _ all that badly,” she said with a wink, striding past them to the bar and getting herself a glass of water.

Dani stepped back, blushing and Malcolm laughed. “Just because your girlfriend couldn’t make it doesn’t mean you can steal mine.”

Ainsley laughed. “I thought I had a chance when you two were broken up,” she said.

“She  _ is _ the better-looking Whitly,” Dani said. 

“Thank God, I’m not a Whitly, then,” Malcolm said.

“That’s a technicality,” Ainsley huffed.

JT opened the door to the dining room, sighing. “There you are. Jessica says one more photo and then we’re done.”

Begrudgingly, Malcolm followed JT back into the dining room, wrapping an arm around Dani’s waist. True to Jessica’s word, it was only one more pose, though the photographer took at least three different shots before she was satisfied.

After they had finished with the photos, they milled about with the other guests, the family members that Jessica had invited, and other members of the NYPD who were close with Gil. Edrisa attended as well, bouncing around the space in a green dress and her trademark glasses.

Malcolm couldn’t keep his eyes off Dani, watching her move through the space in her high heels and her dress. They weren’t her usual attire of choice, but she moved as gracefully as ever. And she was a touch taller than him now, but he didn’t mind, as long as he could still bring her close to him.

He danced with her, too, in the dim light of their dining room that had been temporarily converted to a dance floor. Held her around the waist and smelled her perfume and thought about how he didn’t want anything else, not if it wasn’t her. 

At the end of the night, they went back to Malcolm’s apartment, both of them collapsing on his bed still in their clothes. 

“I’m exhausted,” Dani said, sighing.

Malcolm looked at her, his fingers working at the buttons of his shirt. “Did you have fun?”

She smiled. “Yeah. I guess when you and I get married, I’ll be Gil’s step-daughter-in-law.”

He laughed. “That’s a mouthful.” 

She scooted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He knew that she still had to take off her dress and her makeup - she would deal with her hair in the morning. But he didn’t mind the smudge of makeup on his shirt, not if it was her.

“I love you,” he whispered.

She kissed him quickly with the remnants of her lipstick. “I love you, too.”

And it was perfect, just the two of them, sticky with sweat and exhausted from a night of dancing. Malcolm wanted a thousand more of these nights, their future stretching into infinity. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you think with kudos, comments or yell at me on [my tumblr](https://bibright.tumblr.com)


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